


When I Kissed The Teacher

by ouatisbae



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF, rupaul - Fandom
Genre: Always Female Katya Zamolodchikova, Always Female Trixie Mattel, F/F, cis female katya, cis female trixie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-10-12 23:59:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 32,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17477432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouatisbae/pseuds/ouatisbae
Summary: Katya is a video professor at an art school in Boston. Trixie is her self made millionaire of a girlfriend. They both become interested in one of Katya's students and begin a relationship.(Trixie and Katya are both cisgender females in this fic and it will also contain a mommy kink. You've been warned so please no bullshit)





	1. Chapter One: An Unlikely Offer

Everyone had a crush on my video professor, she had blond choppy hair and was always smoking a cigarette and drinking Red Bull. I've had her for the last 3 semesters and she has become my favorite professor. Her and her girlfriend are what I aspire to have with someone someday. They are just so adorable together. Her girlfriend has long but fluffy blonde hair and almost exclusively wears pink.

"Lex!" A voice says and pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, Katya." I say quietly as I realize I'm the last student in the class.

"Lost in your thoughts as a usual doll?" She smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder.

I feel a blush on my face from the use of the nickname she's come to give me. "Yeah... you could say that." I giggle nervously and look up at her. She towers about 7 inches over me. And God would I be lying if I said I never thought about kissing her. "I guess I should get going now." I begin to gather my things quickly as to avoid further humiliation. 

"Hey Lex, would you wanna come have dinner with me and Trixie tomorrow?" Katya asks and smiles at me nervously. 

"Sure. I'm always up for food." I smile and throw my backpack over my shoulder.

" We tend to talk a lot and dinners run late. And you can just stay the night if it gets too late. We wouldn't want you having to take an Uber or cab that late at night."

"Sure." I chuckle. I mean I'm sure she's just being nice. "Here is my number so you can text me the address." I smile and grab out a notebook and rip a scrap of paper out and scribble my number out and hand it to her.

"I'll see you tomorrow evening doll." She smiles, and I walk out of the classroom and head back to my dorm.

The night passes without much excitement as I eat a small snack and watch Netflix in my room. I feel my phone buzz and I look down at a text from Katya. "Hey, doll here's the address." Then she sends a separate text with the address. "Hope you have a great night hun" She sends with a heart emoji.

I don't respond with more than "lol ok night". I wasn't sure how to respond to that. It was a little odd to say the least but maybe she just messed up typing the message.

The next day I woke up with a text from Katya that was inviting me over early to have lunch with her and her girlfriend instead since they thought they might be busier in the evening. I happily agree because my nerves began getting the best of me. 

I look through my clothes and decide on wearing a pair of black leggings with a rip in the knee with a striped purple and black sweater. I wear a pair of black combat boots and brush through my short purple hair. I'm not totally sure why I'm putting in the effort to look nice for them, but something compels me to. I grab my phone and my wallet and head outside to meet my Uber.

When the car stops, I'm right in front of a fancy apartment building in downtown Boston. I swallow beginning to feel a bit nervous. "Why are you nervous? You're just having lunch and helping your favorite professor. No big deal." I say to myself as I get into the elevator and head up to the penthouse where apparently Katya and Trixie lived. 

I get to the floor and knock on the door and anxiously await someone to answer. I hear shuffling to the door and then Katya's girlfriend opens the door. "Hi, baby." She smiles and leads me inside. "I'm Trixie."

"I know. I remember you from class." I giggle nervously.

"Come, sit." She smiles warmly and guides me to the kitchen with a hand on the small of my back. "Katya, Lex is here." She pulls out a chair for me and I sit.

"Hey, there doll." Katya smiles and turns from the oven. "I was just finishing up lunch. I hope you don't mind veggie nuggets and fries. I wasn't sure what to make and then I ran out of time to prepare anything."

"Its no problem, I will eat anything." I smile. Did she know that any form of a nugget was my weakness? I giggle to myself at the thought. I look up from being in my own head to see the two older women smiling down at me. "Sorry, I get caught up in my own head a lot."

"No problem at all baby, its just cute." Trixie giggles and puts a hand on my shoulder.

Katya puts a plate down in front of me and I begin eating. I often don't eat because I can't afford to. College is an expensive endeavor, especially art school. I eat fast, probably faster than I should have as I began to feel a little sick.

"Doll? You okay?" Katya asks really concerned suddenly at my quick mood change.

"I'm ok. Think I just ate too much too fast." I feel my voice falling away in embarrassment.

"I've noticed over the past year that you have seemed a bit paler and have looked a little sick. Are you doing okay?" Katya says sitting in the chair next to me.

I've been in her class consistently for the last 2 years, of course she notices. "Uh yeah, I just, um, only eat a couple times a week. Then I walk everywhere I go. I can only get an Uber if a place is over five miles away but even then, I'm probably borrowing money from my roommate which I pay back in helping her with homework because money is nonexistent." I shrug not feeling much about it.

"When was the last time you ate an actual meal?" Katya asks and puts a hand on my back. 

"About two or three weeks. I've been surviving on snacks and whatever food I am offered by other people." My voice gets quieter as I realize that my situation is worse than I thought. 

"From now on, at least once a week, you should come over and you can have a meal with us. At least until you head home for winter break in a few weeks."

"I don't go home..." It comes out and I regret saying it. They don't care about my problems, I'm sure they have their own. 

"What do you mean? Where do you go?" Trixie sits on my other side and puts her arm around my waist. Its weird but I'm liking the attention they are giving me. 

"I've been staying on campus, but I can't afford to even stay in school much passed the end of the semester. My savings is running low and I no longer get help from my... parents." I spit it out. My mom and I got into a ridiculous fight and she blew it out of proportion and since then I haven't been home or gotten any money from her. "They disowned me last time I went home so now I am going to have to withdraw from school at the end of the semester more than likely just so I can try to find a place to go." A few tears escape my eyes but I hold it together. 

"You're not leaving school this close to the end. You only have a a little over a year left. I'm not letting you lose your shot." Katya pulls in into her arms and my threshold breaks and I cry into her chest.

Her warm embrace is amazing. Something I never felt from anyone in the past. Her belief in me was something I wish I had knew I had all along. Trixie pulls herself close behind me and rubs my back and a hand through my hair. "You can stay here with us. And if you live with us, your tuition will go down, then you may just be able to afford to stay for the last year and a half of your degree."

"Why are you helping me?" I ask pulling my head up and looking between the two of them. My eyes were red and puffy. They barely knew me. How could it be that they care so much?

"Listen, ever since you walked into my class your freshman year you have intrigued me to no end. Then Trixie helped me realize what it was. That was the real reason I invited you over, it's because we wanted to talk to you about something." Katya rests her head on top of mine.

"Well, Katya and I became infatuated with you and well, we want to know if you would consider being a part our relationship?"

I look between them and nod, wiping away my tears.

"Let me hear you say it darling." Katya says her voice loving yet commanding.

"I wanna be a part of this." I say entranced by these two beautiful women.

Trixie stands and picks me up with her. I giggle and hug her. My sadness slowly fading away. "You're really strong and taller than I remember."

"I work out baby, and I think you've only seen me sitting until today." She smiles as she sits me down on the couch with her. Katya followed behind and they sit me in the middle of the two of them.

Katya wipes my face and looks at me. "This is totally going to be on your terms. We want you to feel comfortable and go at a pace you're comfortable with."

I nod and smile at her then look at Trixie. "So this was an eventful first date." I chuckle. 

They laugh. "We will have to take you out on a proper date soon." Trixie smiles and hugs me. 

"Can I ask you another question? Its just that over the time I've known you I've noticed some characteristics and mannerisms." She smiles at me. "And don't think that the answer effects anything unless you want it to but, are you a little?"

My face turns bright red and I want to die. How did I make it so obvious? "Uhhhhh..." I feel myself curl into myself as I answer. "Maaybe..." I drag it out and feel my chest tighten. 

A hand finds its way to my chin and draws up head out of hiding. Katya turns my face to look at hers. "Don't be embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with it. And we were kind of hoping you would say that." She smiles and kisses my nose. 

I feel my nerves melt away in the moment and I knew that I would be safe. I knew that these two were here for me and that I could be myself. I smile and slowly slip into a smaller head space. I begin to fight it but then a voice whispers warmly in my ear. "You don't have to fight it."

I smile up at Trixie. "You're pretty." Being little gives me the confidence I would never have otherwise. I put my hand on her face and giggle.

She laughs and runs a hand through my hair. "Thank you baby." 

"I'm kinda tired after all of this adulting and emotional stuff." I yawn and lean back onto the couch.

"Do you wanna take a nap?" Katya asks.

I shake my head. "I'd have to go home."

"You could nap here if you're comfortable with it." She smiles at me.

I nod and Trixie picks me up. I lean against her as she carries me. "Do you wanna sleep in the guest room or in our room?" Trixie asks.

"Your room please." I smile lazily. Trixie sets me down and they begin to walk out of the room. "Wait." I say and they turn around. "Stay please." They both come back and sit on the bed on either side of me. I smile and get comfortable and feel sleep slowly approaching. "Katya..."

"What is it Lex?" She smiles and lays down next to me.

"C-can I call you Mama?" I ask quietly.

"Of course you can." She smiles. 

"I have another question." I giggle quietly. "Can I kiss you?"

She smiles and kisses me. I turn my head and Trixie has laid down on my other side. "Can I call you Mommy?" I ask quietly.

"I would like that." She smiles. Before I get the chance to ask she looks at me. "Do you wanna kiss from me too."

I nod with a big smile and she kisses me gently and I begin to drift off. I let my guard down and It felt amazing. I could get used to this.


	2. Chapter Two: Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Thats all this chapter is.

When I wake up Mommy is right there holding me close to her chest. Her boobs are really big and I almost feel myself trying to get further into her chest. I hear her laugh and kiss the top of my head. "Hey baby girl." I whine into her chest and play with the hem of her shirt. "What's wrong my sweet baby?" Mommy says and rubs my back.

"I like your boobs." I giggle as my ass moves against Mama who is asleep. My confidence boost still high. 

"Is that so?" She says and pulls my face up to hers. She kisses me and runs her hand down my side. "Is this okay?" She whispers.

Mama wakes up and I feel her lips on my neck. I moan into Mommy's mouth. Mama's hands begin to wander down to my chest and she squeezes my boobs. I moan loudly into Mommy's mouth and she smiles as we kiss. She pulls away long enough to pull off her shirt and bra and then her lips come crashing back down onto mine. "Still okay?"

I nod and bring my hands to Mommy's boobs and squeeze them, rolling her nipples in one hand and massaging the boobs in the other. Mama brings a hand down to my waist and slips it under my leggings and panties and rubs up and down my pussy. 

"Fuck" I moan as Mama dips a finger inside me.

"No baby, we don't say bad words." She corrects kissing my neck and biting.

"Mama please mama, I wanna cum." I whine as she continues to slowly thrust her fingers in and out of my pussy. I was already getting close.

Mommy massaged my boobs through my shirt and I moaned really loudly. Mama picked up the pace and was thrusting in and out of me relentlessly. I came hard on Mama's fingers. My breathing was heavy now after my orgasm and Mommy and Mama both were kissing my cheeks and telling me how well I did. I smile and move into Mama's arms. "Mine." I giggle contently and then put an arm behind me and grab for Mommy. She comes closer. "You're the best." I smile and look at them both.


	3. Chapter Three: The Set Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a different POV

The previous day... Katya's POV

I wake up and feel Trixie's arm around my body. I smile and turn to face her. I kiss her and she begins to wake up. "Morning beautiful."

"Kat, have you thought any more about what I said?" She asks sleepily smiling.

"I think that it's a great idea. And I do have her class today so maybe I can ask her to come over for dinner. Unless you think something else might be better." 

"That sounds good. She is so cute. I just really think she would be such a good part of our lives." She smiles and sits up. "But if we want this to happen, you have to get to work. Do you want me to give you a ride?"

I roll out of bed and stand up. "Please babe, driving sounds horrid." I smile as I get dressed.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At School...

I teach my morning class not really paying attention. I'm too excited to see her in my afternoon class. This girl always daydreams when I'm not lecturing but the second I open my mouth she looks at me so intently, hanging on every word. Today we were just watching a movie as a study of camera work and she is just lost in thought. She is so adorable. I literally just want to scoop her up in my arms and kiss her.

Class ends and she must have been so lost in her thoughts she didn't even notice. "Lex!"

"Sorry, Katya." She says quietly and looks down.

"Lost in your thoughts as a usual doll?" I smile and put a hand on her shoulder. God, she is so cute how in hell will I pull this off.

She blushes a deep red. "Yeah... you could say that." She giggles and I try not to die over it. "I guess I should get going now." She grabs her bag and notebook, preparing to leave.

"Hey Lex, would you wanna have dinner with Trixie and I tomorrow?" I ask with a smile, trying to hide my anxiety.

"Sure, I'm always up for some food." She smiles and throws her backpack over her shoulder.

"We tend to talk a lot at dinner and it could run pretty late. I don't want you to have to drive or take an Uber that late so you can stay in our guest room if it gets too late." God that sounds like bullshit but hopefully she will go for it.

"Sure thing. Here is my number so you can text me the address." She grabs out a piece of paper and scribbles down her number.

"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon doll." I smile as she walks out of the classroom. I grab my bag and head out to meet Trixie. 

"How did it go babe?" She asks as I close the car door.

"She's coming to dinner tomorrow. God she is so cute babe. What if she says no?" I say my anxiety growing.

"I'm sure everything will be fine. She literally hangs off of every word you say. When did you tell her to come over?"

"Around 7." I say breathing as we drove through the traffic of Boston.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night....

I pull out my phone and begin to text Lex. "Hey, doll here's the address." Then I send a separate text with the address. "Have a great night hun." With a heart emoji. 

God I hope she doesn't think this is anything too weird. Fuuck.

I hear my phone go off and I look down. "lol ok night"

I breathe out. That's not the worst answer she could have sent I'll take it.

"Trix!" I yell into the other room.

Trixie walks in, in a pink bathrobe and a glass of wine. "Babe this could be our last night just being the two of us. But I think I can't wait to take care of her. She is just so cute. God I want nothing more than to baby the hell out of her."

I laugh and kiss her. "I know me too babe."

Right before I go to bed I send a quick text asking Lex to come over to have lunch with us.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up at like 8 am and see that Lex has texted back that she is coming to lunch. I practically jump on Trixie. "Babe!"

"Mmmmm. What?" Trixie whines not wanting to be woken up.

"Lex is coming over for lunch we gotta get everything ready."

At that Trixie damn near shot right out of bed. "When did you invite her to lunch? Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I did it right before I went to bed. But i didn't think she would say yes." I say getting out of bed and looking for an outfit.

The rest of the morning was us running around and making sure everything was perfect for Lex.


	4. Chapter Four: Discoveries and Acceptances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some cute moments as well as some learning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief talk of sexual assault, nothing super graphic

I must have fallen back asleep and when I woke up I was in the king-sized bed alone. I jump down. I didn't notice the bed was raised up to be like 2 feet off the floor, making it about 4 feet off the ground, and I fell on my ass and hit my head off the side of the bed. "Ow Fuuuck," I say loudly and stand up holding my head. I hear someone running into the room.

"Baby what happened?" Mommy says coming to look at the bump on my head. She's 5'11 and almost a foot taller than me and it makes me laugh. "What are you laughing at sweetheart?"

"You're like a foot taller than me and I think it's funny." I giggle.

She boops my nose and picks me up. I wrap my legs around her waist and my arms around her neck. "You're also just tiny baby girl." I play with her hair as she carries me into the kitchen and sits me on the counter. She goes into the freezer and grabs an ice pack and puts it against my head.

Mama walks into the kitchen in just a towel. "What happened princess?" She says and walks over to inspect the bruise on my head. "I guess we should have told you the bed was up really high, we forget sometimes that not everyone is over 5'5." She smiles and kisses the bruise. "I'm gonna go get dressed. Do you wanna stay the night tonight?" She asks and smiles at me.

"Please." I smile.

"Why don't you go see if you guys can find her some pajamas." She kisses Mommy before walking into the bedroom to get dressed.

"You heard Mama, let's go put on some pajamas." Mommy smiles and sets me down off the counter.

I nod and grab her hand as she guides me to a very large walk-in closet. I look around the room amazed by all the clothes around me, more than I could ever think about owning. She let's go of my hand and goes to look through some clothes. I walk around and snoop through things. I climb under a rack and hide under a bunch of clothes and try not to giggle. I can hear Mommy turn around and can almost hear her smile. "Oh no, where could my little baby girl be. Too bad she isn't here to get lots of kisses, which I know she likes." And with that, I burst out from my hiding spot and jump into her arms. "There's my baby." She smiles and gives me a big kiss. "Now why don't we go get dressed." She carries me back to the bedroom and Mama is there half dressed in a set of black silk pajamas.

"How's your head feel doll?" Mama asks smiling at me.

"Hurts. A lot." I say leaning into Mommy's shoulder but looking at Mama.

"Well, I think we have a step stool around somewhere so that way from now on you won't have to drop so far off the bed or have one of us help you down. " She smiles and kisses me. "But let's get you dressed." I nod and Mommy sets me on the bed. They both sit on the bed with me and pull off my shirt. They notice my tattoo. "I didn't know you had a tattoo baby." Mama smiles and runs a hand over it. It is an iceberg on my upper chest just above my boobs.

"I designed it myself." I say quietly and looking away from both of them.

"It's so pretty baby." Mommy coos into my ear and kisses the side of my head. "Does it mean anything?" She asks rubbing my back to ease the anxiety I was feeling.

"I got it my senior year of high school after an argument with my mother. She was mad that I was even thinking about getting a tattoo and I had had this design for a few years. So i went out with a friend and she brought me to the tattoo parlor. To me it means that there is hidden depth in people that no one ever really sees, but that people can fall apart when they are forced to hide or be someone they aren't." I say this all in one big breath and exhale deeply after saying it before trying to hide my face under a blanket.

"That's beautiful Lex." Mama smiles and pulls me into her lap and away from the blanket I was using to hide.

Mommy begins to unhook my bra and I begin to feel self conscious. I never really like my chest or my stomach. I felt like I wanted to disappear in that moment. "Baby, there's no reason to feel self conscious, you're beautiful." Mommy kisses me chastely. She then slides a t-shirt over my head and I comply.

Mama begins to pull down my leggings and I begin to panic. I move away from the two of them and slide down off the bed carefully this time and run to the bathroom. I lock the door as I hear them gather outside the door. "Lex what's wrong?" Mommy asks pleading with me. "Please what happened? Did we do something wrong?"

"No." I say with my voice cracking as tears began forming in my eyes. "It's not you guys at all. It's just, I don't know how to tell you."

"You can tell us anything princess." Mama asks sounding even more concerned.

"But people don't believe me. They never do." I say crying even harder and begin to have a hard time breathing.

"Baby we promise we will believe you. Please let us in. " Mommy pleads as she can hear the sound of my near hyporventilating.

I get up and slowly unlock the door. They burst in and Mommy scoops me up. "Please, tell us what this is all about." Mama says as we walk back into the bedroom and sit back on the bed.

"O-okay." I breathe for a moment and then begin to explain. "When I was 15 I was on the school bus. A kid I've known since we were kids and I were sitting together and he grabbed my hand and forced it down his pants, and then when I refused he put his hands down my pants. Then when I was 16 I had my first girlfriend. While we were together she really wanted to have sex and I didn't want to I knew I wasn't ready. One day when she was over she decided that it was time I was ready and she held me down and fucked me. Then a couple days later she broke up with me and told me she was straight and I found she was fucking a guy behind my back the whole time." I almost dead pan the story because of how detached I feel. "I just started having a flashback and I didn't know what to do. I've never had one in front of another person before."

"Shhh now baby girl." Trixie says rubbing my back. 

"I feel like I should give you a full disclosure now. I have depression and anxiety and sometimes my emotions don't make sense and then I feel numb and just wanna feel something. I used to hurt myself." I show them faded scars on my thighs. "I haven't in a while but I'm a complete mess. I just don't want to have you go into this not knowing what you're dealing with."

Katya kisses me. "It's all gonna be okay. You can always talk to us about anything. No matter what we will always be here for you." 

I jump into her arms and hug her. "Thank you" Tears escape my eyes.

"Anything for you." 

"I think I love you." I whisper under my breathe.

"What was that doll?" Katya smiles a bit stunned.

"Nothin.." I say regreting it because it has literally been less then a day and you can't just go around telling people you love them. 

"I love you too." She whispers into my ear and then I lean back to look her in the eye.

"You mean it?" I ask biting the side of my thumb.

"Of course I do." She smiles.

I jump over to Trixie and kiss her. "I love you and thank you both for everything."

"I love you too baby." She smiles and pulls me into a big hug. "Now," She says and sits me back down in front of her. "Pajamas?" She smiles.

She smiles and gives me a pair of flannel pants.

I giggle and slide off the bed. They follow and Trixie playfully swats my ass. I giggle and bite my lip. Then I turn around and pout a little with my arms crossed. "You're so cute." Trixie chuckles and kisses the top of my head. 

This send me spiraling back into a wonderful small head space. She smiles and picks me up. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Hmmm we could have a snack or we could watch a movie or play a game. Anything you want."

"Anything?" I marvel at the thought. "I just wanna cuddle. Maybe watch a movie. But mostly cuddle." I hold onto her tighter.

She laughs. "I think we can manage that." She sits on the couch and keeps me in her lap, and puts on a Disney movie in the background. She cradles me and I play with the buttons on her shirt. I unbutton one and giggle. She looks down and kisses my nose.

"Oh my god this is so cute I need a picture!" Mama says as she walks into the room and pulls out her phone. She sits down next to us and she runs a hand up and down my leg. I feel myself getting comfortable with them. These simple things feel like home. 

"Baby are you sleeping?" Mommy asks stroking my hair.

"Noo" I shake my head and look up at her.

"It's almost dinner time." Mama smiles over at me, "How about pizza?"

"No hungry." I say looking back towards the movie.

"You have to eat baby." Mommy says sitting me up on her lap.

"No, not hungry." I say quietly looking at them. "Can we just cuddle?"

"Baby we can cuddle after dinner but you have to eat." Mommy tried to coax me.

I begin to feel frustrated because I can't quite get out what I wanna say. "I still don't feel good." They look at me. "Can I not eat at least for tonight?" I ask beginning to slip back into adult mode if only for a moment.

"Okay." Mama says and holds my hand. "But from now on, please eat." 

"This is the happiest I've ever been and I don't want it to ever end." I smile. "I just want to be here always." 

They smile at each other and then look at me. Mama leaves a hand on my leg and Mommy runs a hand through my hair. 

"Thank you for making me happy."


	5. Chapter Five: Cute Moments

We lay on the couch for a while longer and I could have fallen asleep had Mama not spoken. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah what's up?" My mind shifting back to normal. 

"Is big Lex back with us?" Trixie asks.

"Yeah, at least for now." I yawn.

"Do you wanna move in for real? It will be a lot cheaper so you can stay in school. We weren't kidding about that." Katya smiles. 

"Honestly that sounds like a dream. My roommate is great and everything but dorm life was never really for me."

"Well if you want we can run to your dorm tomorrow and grab your stuff so you can stay here with us and not have to worry about it anymore. " Katya smiles and holds my hand.

"We just want what's best for you is all hun." Trixie smiles and hugs me. 

"Thank you guys, honestly this has been amazing. And I don't know how I got so lucky. Like I really do love you guys. I wasn't just saying that. You're the closest thing I have to family."

"We are just happy that you love us as much as we love you." Katya kisses me. 

"I feel exhausted." Trixie and Katya both chuckle and kiss me on either cheek. "That was disgustingly cute." I laugh. "Would you guys mind if I shower?" I ask with a blush on my face.

"Of course baby. I'll grab you a towel. " Trixie smiles and I stand up from her lap. She comes back and grabs my hand, guiding me into the master bathroom.

She turns to walk out of the room. "Hey..." I say quietly wondering if she heard.

"Yeah?" She turns back.

"C-can-Would you maybe kinda help me?" I get out feeling my anxiety spike tenfold.

A smile forms on her face and she walks over to me. "Hey baby, do you wanna be little? Would it help you be less anxious?" I nod with a big blush on my face. "Shh, it's okay. Today's been stressful. You can be little as long as you need."

My body physically relaxes at her words and she takes my shirt off and leaves it on the counter. "Thank you," I say quietly and she kisses the top of my head.

"Of course baby. Anytime." She smiles and helps me step out of my pants. I'm left in my panties and Mommy thinks for a second. "Hmmm. Kat!" Mommy yells down the hall.

Mama walks in the room and I wrap myself in a towel because I'm freezing. "What's up?"

"Do we have any underwear for Lex to wear after her shower?" She asks and I sit down on the toilet.

"I think I have some new ones in the bedroom she can wear." She walks over to me and kisses me on the nose. "Have a good shower princess." I giggle and she walks out of the bathroom.

"Okay baby girl come here." Mommy smiles and takes the towel from around my shoulders. Then she helps me take my panties off. She turns on the shower and tests out the water. "Come get in baby." I smile and run over and climb in.

She gets shampoo and puts it in my hair, a bunch of purple from the dye in my hair runs out and I giggle. "Guess I gotta dye it again soon."

"Baby, would you think of dying it pink?" Mommy smiles and rinses out the shampoo.

"I dunno I've done every other color." I smile. "I never used to like pink."

Mommy acts fake offended. "Well excuse me my heart hurts." She laughs.

"I don't hate it anymore though," I say as she washes my body with good smelling soap. She turns the shower off and grabs the towel and dries my hair. The towel turns purple. "Sorry," I say looking down at the floor.

"No honey it's okay. It's just a towel." She says wrapping the towel around my body and grabbing my clothes and picking me up.

She walks into the bedroom and Mama is there waiting with panties for me to put on. She slides them up my legs and I finish pulling them up. Mommy goes to put my pants on. "No pants mommy," I say looking at her with puppy dog eyes.

"But doll you're gonna be cold," Mama says looking at me.

"But blankets Mama." I giggle and try and put my shirt on myself and getting stuck. "Dam-Darn" I bite my lip at the almost slip and try to get off the bed.

Mommy grabs me and sets me down then fixes my shirt. "Wanna go watch a movie?"

I nodded not wanting to argue with her. Mama comes up behind me and swats my butt lightly and I giggle. Then I run behind her and hit her butt a little bit harder than she hit mine and giggle. "Feisty are we little girl?" She smiles.

"Mommmmmmy." I giggle and hide behind her. She picks me up and I hide my face in her neck. Mama comes up and tickles my side. "No mama" I giggle squirming trying to get away. "Mommy save me." Mommy smiles and tickles me too. "Ahhh nooooo." I giggle. 

They stop and I smile. "Movie now?"

They both laugh and we sit on the couch and they throw on a Disney movie. After about twenty minutes I'm daydreaming and imagining everything that's ahead of me.


	6. Chapter Six: It's Cold In Boston

We all lay on the couch together and I cuddle into both of them. "I love you guys," I say and cuddle into them. "And I hate that I'm saying this but I'm freezing." I laugh

"I told you." Katya smiles. "It's November in Boston I literally don't know what you were expecting." She chuckles.

"But I'm from New Hampshire. The country of people who don't wear coats and everyone thinks we ride horses everywhere." I laugh.

"I'm from Wisconsin honey I don't like your excuse." Trixie smiles.

"Well, I guess if no one has a blanket I will just die right here of freezing." I pretend to die and just lay there.

"Well, Trix I guess we killed another one. Better get the shovel ready." Katya laughs and I try not to but a smirk appears on my face.

"Too bad. And to think we could have cuddled in bed tonight and given her all of the attention in the world. What a shame she won't be here to get all of these kisses I have saved up. I guess I'll find another baby to give them to."

"Wait those are my kisses." I spring up and kiss Trixie.

"I thought so." She giggled

I feel myself beginning to slip into a small head space and I push it away as best as possible. I don't want to burden them all the time. They probably wanna have an adult conversation or something.

Katya must have noticed my internal battle because she kisses me. "Baby you know we love you when you're little right? You never have to push that away with us." I nod and snuggle into them.

A while later Katya looks at her phone and it's almost 11. "I think we should all go to bed now."

I instantly slip into my headspace. "Noooooo I wanna stay up pleeeeease. I'm not even tired." I whine. I really wasn't tired and I had nothing but energy.

"Baby I know but can you at least come lay down and try?" Mommy says with a hand out to take mine.

I grab it and follow them into the bedroom. Mommy picks me up and puts me on the bed and I lay down right in the middle. I'm already fidgeting and they haven't even gotten into the bed yet. Mommy climbs into the bed first and puts us both under the blankets. She begins to run her fingers through my hair and I begin to calm down. Mama climbs in on the other side and puts her arms around me. They are instantly causing me to feel tired, something that I always thought was impossible. I yawn and they both smile at each other. "I'm still not tired," I say trying to look more awake.

"Sure baby." Mama smiles and holds me tighter. I whine slightly before Mommy moves closer and then I give into my already closing eyes. "Wuv you," I mutter as I fall asleep.

Trixie POV

"Is she asleep?" I whisper quietly looking over to Katya.

"Looks that way." Katya smiles and kisses Lex's forehead.

"Today has been eventful." I laugh quietly. "This is so amazing though. I never thought it would go this well."

"She's broken Trix. She needs us as much as we want her. If we never had to go to work again and we could always be here with her I think that would be perfect." Katya smiles and brings one of her hands to hold mine.

"I mean we could always take an extra couple weeks off before and after your winter break so we can spoil her extra for Christmas. I mean I make my own hours so its no problem and the college loves you I'm sure they would. Plus doesn't her vacation start about a week before yours anyway?" I smile. I work for myself at home so taking time off was whenever I wanted. I'm pretty close to a self made millionaire and I could probably take a year off and never have to worry about money.

"You're right. I think we should. And she is in shape to honestly skip her last week of class next week. And something tells me she would love nothing more than to be here with you all day. I just didn't realize how much trauma she had been through. I feel so bad that there was nothing we could have done for her when she was going through all of that. And her parents seem like literal scum. It could be a good thing they cut her off in the long run." She says hugging the small body in front of her closer.

"I really do love her Katya. Honestly I do with all my heart." I say and kiss Lex on the top of her head.

"Me too Trix. She is one of the best things to ever happen to us and the last thing I want is for her to have to deal with anymore heartbreak."

Then we both fell silent as Lex seemingly began to talk in her sleep. It wasn't coherent but it was adorable. 

She buries her face into my chest, dragging Katya with her so she was stuck in the middle of us tightly. I run my hand through her hair and Katya wraps her arms tightly around Lex's body. Her breathing steadies again as she drifts back off to sleep. I'm not far behind her as I feel my eyes get heavy.


	7. Chapter Seven: Boundries Over Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> light smut

Lex's POV

I wake up to an alarm going off and I whine really loudly as I feel one of the bodies around me move away. I cling to it, still not opening my eyes. "No go." I mumble.

"Baby I have to go do some work. I'm only gonna be down the hall. I'm not going anywhere I promise." Mommy says and kisses me.

"I love you mommy." I smile as she walks out.

"I love you too sweetheart." She says as she walks down the hall.

I quietly slide out of Mama's grip hoping not to wake her. I slide down off the bed carefully and try to land as quietly as possible. I walk down the hallway as quietly as possible until I find the room with Mommy in it. I crawl into the room hoping to be stealthy. I get right up behind her chair and just as I was gonna scare her, she turns around and grabs me. "Nice try baby girl." She smiles and pulls me onto her lap.

"Whatcha doin Mommy?" I ask and hug her.

"Trying to do some work. I gotta do that sometimes."

"Sounds boring." I smile and get up from her lap. "Hungry." I mumble and rub my eyes.

"Well if you wait a little bit we can go out to breakfast. But I gotta finish this and Mama probably still wants to sleep.

I feel a tantrum growing inside me and its getting hard to contain. I start to whine. "Baby don't even think about it." Her voice suddenly getting stern. I pout and walk out of the room and go back into the bedroom.

I do my best to jump back up onto the bed and after a couple minutes of struggle I manage to make it up. I begin to slide my hand down my body and into my panties. I rub my clit and try to keep my moans quiet. I begin to dip a finger into my pussy and I feel the bed move and Mama is next to me. "Baby, want some help?" I nod.

Her hand slides in to replace mine and she slides two fingers inside me. I moan loudly and her lips crash down onto mine. Her pace increases and her lips move to my neck. My moans get higher pitch and I hear footsteps coming into the room. Mommy kisses my lips as I cum onto Mama's hand.

Mommy chuckles. "So this is what you decided to do after I wouldn't give you your way?" She smiles down at me and I blush.

Mama gets down off the bed and walks into the bathroom as Mommy grabs me down off the bed. "Let's go get dressed so we go to breakfast alright baby."

I nod. She starts to walk away and i pull on her arm.

"What is it baby girl?" She asks looking down at me.

"Carry me please?" I ask smiling at her.

"Of course." She smiles and scoops me up and I cling to her as she walks us to her big walk in closet. 

She grabs a pastel pink dress for herself and then looks through some clothes and pulls out some grey leggings and black sweatshirt with the logo for the college on it for me, while never putting me down. She walks back into the bedroom and sets me down. "Head into the bathroom, Mama is gonna help you get dressed and then she will have a toothbrush for you to brush your teeth."

I nod and walk into the bathroom to see Mama brushing her hair. I start to take my shirt off and then put on the sweatshirt. Mama looks at me through the mirror. "Good job baby." I smile and pull on the leggings and walk up the sink. She handed me a toothbrush all set up with toothpaste. I began brushing my teeth and she made faces at me in the mirror. I giggled and she kissed my cheek.

After I finish brushing my teeth I begin to go back into my adult head space. "Katya?" I ask looking up at her.

"Ready to go eat and then get your stuff from your dorm?" She smiles and hugs me from behind.

"Yeah, I figure I should probably be an adult for this." I chuckle and hold her arms around me.

"Come on." She smiles and walks out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Trixie is pulling her dress on. Katya walks up behind her and zips her dress with no prompting.

"Thanks love." Trixie smiles and kisses Katya.

We head out to a small cafe near the apartment and they order themselves coffee and then look over to me. "Oh um I've never really had coffee aside from what I've made at home." I play with my hair awkwardly.

Katya orders me a Bailey's latte and then gets me a muffin. And we sit down at a nearby table. "Now we have to have a very important conversation." Katya says and looks at me.

"A-about what?" I stutter, anxiety growing in my stomach.

"Just about boundaries, nothing to worry about doll." She holds my hand on top of the table. "Now when it comes to sex, what is your limit?"

"To be honest, I really don't know. I really haven't done that much." I shrug and sip at my drink.

"Well you have to be vocal about when we go to far then. Okay?" She smiles and squeezes my hand gently.

I nod and eat my muffin in small chunks, trying to focus on it so I don't pay attention to the very busy cafe.

"How about when you're little? How little do you get and what is it you need from us when you're feeling little?" Trixie adds in putting a hand on my knee.

"Well I can feel really small sometimes and I kinda just don't talk. Its just easier for me to be non verbal. I just don't like to be alone when I feel little and I can get really frustrated because sometimes I don't know how to say what I want and then I get bratty. I try not to throw fits very often but sometimes I can't help it. And I often use it as a way to feel less anxious but I get anxious a lot when I can't be little and then I just kind of panic."

"Okay good." Trixie squeezes my knee and smiles. "Wanna head over to your school and grab your stuff?" She says sensing how much I hated being surrounded by a huge crowd of people.

I nod and practically run out of the cafe onto the side walk and breath easier. It takes Trixie and Katya a minute to catch up and when they do Katya whispers in my ear. "Please no more running ahead, I wanna know where you are."

I nod. "Sorry."

We get into Trixie's car and drive about fifteen minutes to the dorm building. I unbuckle and they begin to as well. "I should probably go alone. It might look weird if my professor is helping me grab things from my room." I say looking down a bit embarrassed.

"You're right princess." Katya smiles. "We'll be right here if you need us. Text me and I'll be right there."

"Thank you." I smile and jump out of the car and run up to my room, hoping my roommate wasn't there, I really didn't want her asking me questions about what I was doing. 

I get to my room and thankfully she isn't there. I grab my backpack and put some clothes, my medicine, a stuffed animal, and my laptop into my bag, along with some charging cables. I run out of the room and head back down to the car. I jump in and let out a sigh of relief.

"Got everything you need?" Trixie asks looking into the backseat.

"Yeah I didn't leave much up there honestly. I didn't really bring much to school with me in the first place." I say looking at her.

"Wanna head back home?" Katya asks seeing how exhausted I was already from just being out of the house for the short time we were.

I nod and lean back into the seat and look out the window as the car began moving again. I couldn't wait to be home again and just be able to stop worrying about everything.


	8. Chapter Eight: Freddy Kruger and Orcas

We get home and they both get out of the car and wait for me on the side walk. I grab my back pack and jump out of the backseat. Trixie and Katya smile at me and I walk over to them as we head inside and into the elevator. My stomach jumps a little as the elevator goes up and I giggle quietly to myself. Katya takes my bag for me and Trixie picks me up. I look at Trixie for a moment and study her face.

"What baby?" She smiles.

"You're really pretty, like stunning actually." I smile.

The elevator hits the tenth floor and we get off and walk into the apartment. "So are you angel." She smiles and kisses me. I blush a deep red and just let her hold me. Its nice even when I'm not feeling totally small.

Katya smiles and we all walk into the closet. "This can be your shelf for your clothes." She smiles and unpacks my bag. She sees I only have a couple of outfits and looks over at Trixie. "We gotta bring this girl shopping! She's got nearly nothing." Trixie gasps in an over the top manner.

She grabs out the stuffed animal I packed, a small killer whale, and smiles over at me. "Is this your favorite animal princess?" She smiles and I nod feeling a blush on my face.

"I also really like penguins. Which is funny because Orcas often eat penguins." I smile.

"So you've got some facts." She smiles.

"I've got lots. I watch documentaries in most of my free time. I may also know way too much about serial killers and Nazis. Everyone always used to think I was a weirdo but I really enjoy learning. I mean did you know that there are a lot of horror movie villains based off of serial killer Ed Gein? Only hardcore horror nerds or people who watch too many documentaries know that, of which I am both."

Trixie laughs. "What's your favorite horror movie darling?"

"Hmm if we're going for scares I would say that Megan is Missing messed me up for a while. I watched it for the first time when I was 10 and had nightmares for weeks. But if were going for my favorite in general I would say A Nightmare on Elm Street because Freddy Kruger is hilarious and I wish I was as witty as he is. Also the puns are amazing and Wes Craven is a genius." I smile ranting about some of my favorite subjects to my favorite people.

Katya looks at me with complete adoration. "Finally someone who knows a lot about horror movies. This one likes them but I used to worship them. We can watch them whenever you want." She smiles and hands me my stuffed animal.

I start to slip into my head space and I'm pretty sure they picked up on it instantly. Mommy walks out to the living room and puts me down on the couch. She walks back into the closet and her Mama are talking for a little bit. I sneak away into the bedroom and go out onto the balcony. I sit in one of the chairs and look out over the city. I begin chewing my nails, not really thinking about it. I pull a small book out of my sweatshirt pocket. A poetry book I had been writing. With it I have a pen and begin to write down a new poem. Maybe more of an observation.

"There is a comfort in submission." Along with it a drawing of a lips that are biting the lower lip.

"Baby?!" I hear a concerned voice yelling. I couldn't tell who was yelling but I heard the balcony door slide open.

I slam the book shut and look over to see Mama. "Hi." I smile.

"Why did you come out here without telling us?" She asks sitting down in the chair next to me.

"I felt an urge to come out here so I did." I shrug, my hands playing with the binding of the book.

"What's that?" She asks notice it in my hands.

"A poetry book I've been working on." I smile. "Its how I handle my trauma and emotions." I think for a moment and then look up at her. "Do you wanna read it?"

"You would let me?" She asks smiling.

"Of course mama. And Mommy can look at it too if she wants. It might give you better insight into my thinking."

"Come inside now please." She smiles and stands up. "Its a little too cold to be out here right now."

"Alright." I smile and go inside with her. Mommy is sitting on the bed and smiles.

"You're face is all red from the cold baby. Are you cold?" She smiles and comes over and wraps a blanket around me.

"I'm okay Mommy." I smile and take the blanket anyway. "Can I take a nap?" I ask feeling a little tired and wanting to take advantage of it.

"Sure baby." Mama smiles. Mommy picks me up and lays me on the bed. "Do want us in here with you?" She asks holding the book.

"I think I'll be okay." I smile. "Night." I lay down and get comfy.

"Night princess love you."

"Love you too mama." I smile and feel sleep come over me .


	9. Chapter Nine: Saying Something Stupid Like I Love You

"Baby can I ask you something" Mommy says not attempting to pull my face from hiding.

I nod letting my eyes peek out from hiding.

"Have we helped you at all since you've been here these last couple days?" She puts a hand on my back.

"A lot. I didn't know what it felt like to really be cared about until you guys. I can never thank you enough for it." I say pulling my sweatshirt back to normal and coming out of my hiding.

She smiles and kisses me. "Also you're writing is great baby. I hope you finish that book."

Mama smiles and hugs me. "And if you ever wanna publish it I can help you. I know a lot of people in that business."

"Thank you both. For everything." I smile. "Oh and when I was lying in bed I made a playlist. Because, well, I make playlists for everything. I have millions of playlist for every possible mood I could ever be in. So I made one about how I feel about you guys."

I pull out my phone and pull up the playlist.

Saying Something Stupid Like I Love You:

Singin' in the Rain - Gene Kelly

My My My! - Troye Sivan

Fallin For U - peachy!

Drew Barrymore - Bryce Vine

Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae

Holy - King Princess

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

"I know you guy have probably never heard of most of these songs but my music taste is really broad and these just happen to be the ones that made me think of you guys the most." I smile a blush on my face and a knot in my stomach.

"Well how about we listen to it while we make lunch. Are you hungry?" Mama asks with a smile.

"Not really but I can try to eat. " I smile and walk into the kitchen and they follow.

"Here I can connect it to the speaker so the music will play out loud." Mommy smiles and I hit shuffle on the playlist. 

Holy by King Princess comes on first and they go about getting things ready to cook. I sing along to the lyrics not even realizing it. My voice is bad because I'm pretty much tone deaf but they don't seem to mind.

The lyrics come on. "Honey, on your knees. When you look at me. I'm dressed like a fucking queen. And you're begging 'please'. I rule with the velvet tongue. And my dress undone. And I'll get you lost, but I'm having fun"

I'm sitting on the kitchen table and Mommy turns around. She walks over and kisses me. "Are you giving us hints?" She whispers and chuckles huskily in my ear.

I moan quietly. "Maybe..."

The next song starts and its Drew Barrymore by Bryce Vine. Mommy has gone back to helping mama cook and i sing along. "Way too busy fucking on the sofa or the kitchen table  
Is my vision hazy? You look like you're someone famous"

Both of them turn around for that line. "Baby there seems to be a common theme." Mama looks at me wide eyed.

I giggle. "Just keep listening."

They turn back around and the next song begins. Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae comes on "You know I love it, so please don't stop it. You got me right here in your jean pocket (right now). Laying your body on a shag carpet (oh). You know I love it so please don't stop it"

"Princess? Are all of these songs about sex?" She laughs without turning around.

"Noo. Just most of them." I laugh.

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri plays. "Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave. I will not let anything take away. What's standing in front of me. Every breath. Every hour has come to this"

"Baby this one is so cute." Mommy smiles and walks over and kisses me again.

"I gotta make playlists more often." I say with a big grin. "Gets me lots of kisses."

Singin in the Rain starts. I jump off the table and sing the song, skipping around the table. "I'm laughing at clouds so dark up above. The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love"

Mama chases me and catches me giving me lots of kisses. "That is probably one of the cutest things you've ever done."

"I used to go outside every time it rained and sang that song and did as much of the dance as I could." I giggle and kiss her cheek.

"Well maybe you'll have to show us sometime princess." She smiles and goes back to cooking.

My My My! by Troye Sivan comes on. "Shine on, diamond. Don't make me wait another day. 'Cause passion is passion. You know it just as well as me" They both kiss each other as they cook and I lay down on the table and smile.

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol plays. "All that I am. All that I ever was. Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. I don't know where. Confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all. If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

I smile to myself. This playlist is so good and they seem to like it. I think I did good. This is the first of so many playlists I wanna make for them. I think I'm really in love with them.

The last song comes on. Fallin For You by Peachy! plays. "I'm falling for you. And I can't quit it. 'Cause I'm stuck on you. And it might be pathetic and you might be skeptical. But I just want to be with you"

They both walk over and pull me off the table. Mommy picks me up and they both kiss my cheeks. "This was so sweet of you to do for us baby." Mommy smiles.

"I'll probably make you a million of them. I really like making them." I smile and hug her.

"Well that will at least have to wait until after lunch." Mama says and outs down plates with grilled cheese on them.

"Can I just eat half?" I ask not feeling that hungry.

"Sure princess." She smiles and sits down.

Mommy sits down with me in her lap and I grab one of the sandwiches and rip it in half. I eat it in small pieces that I rip off of it. "Can I have a drink?" I ask looking over at Mama.

"What do you want? We have water, La Croix, Sprite, and apple juice."

"Oooh sprite pleeease." I say with a big grin.

She grabs a can out of the fridge and hands it to me. Me being as clumsy as I am take a sip and half of it misses my mouth and goes on my shirt.

"Sorry. I'm a klutz." I say jumping up off of Mommy not wanting to get any on her.

"Its okay." Mama says not looking too concerned.

"I'll clean it up." I say and grab a few paper towels to wipe up the table and floor and then another to wipe off my shirt. I wet another paper towel and clean up the floor again to make sure it doesn't get sticky.

"Baby its okay. I promise no one's mad at you." Mama says getting on the floor and grabbing the paper towels and throwing them away.

Mommy grabs me and puts me back in her lap. "Listen sweetheart, we're hear to take care of you. Which means if you make a mess we got it okay?" She kiss the top of my head.

I nod and lean back against her. She wraps her arms around me and my anxiety goes away.


	10. Chapter Ten: wow I'm way too horny right now and these two women are flawless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut

Mama walks over to me and sits a chair in front of me. "Listen princess. I know you're not used to having people take care of you but I'm telling you that we will do everything you could need. We love you. We want you here as much as you wanna be here. I promise." She smiles and kisses me.

I nod and kiss her back. "I love you."

"I love you too baby."

I turn and kiss Mommy too. "I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart."

"I made another playlist earlier." I smile and blush. "If you thought this one had some songs about sex you're gonna love this one." I laugh.

"Is that so baby?" Mommy smiles and runs her hand up and down my thigh.

"Mmmhmmm." I say half moaning. I pull my phone from my pocket.

Wow im way too horny rn and these two women are flawless:

Pynk - Janelle Monae

Holy - King Princess

Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae

Pussy is God - King Princess

Closer - Tegan and Sara

Screwed - Janelle Monae

They both look at my phone and smile. "I love that you are able to simultaneously able to turn me on and show me new music." Mama smiles and runs a hand over my pussy through my pants.

I moan loudly and bite my lip. Mommy kisses my neck and bites it. Most likely leaving marks. Good I want people to know that I am theirs and no one else's. I gain just enough composure to put on the playlist and let it play as they have their way with me.

Mama pulls my pants down and has a devilish grin when she see the black panties with white lace I snuck away to put on earlier. She pulls down my panties and discards them on the floor with my leggings. She kisses my thighs and nips at them lightly. I moan and Mommy kisses me. I feel Mama's tongue slowly licking pussy and flicking at my clit. I feel am overwhelming sense of pleasure and my hips raise up to her wanting more.

"No baby." She smiles wickedly. "Don't be greedy." I whine and try not to move as she goes back to licking my pussy.

She sucks on my clit and slides two fingers into me. It takes all of my sanity not to move my hips in time with her fingers.

"I'm gonna cum mama." I say moaning. Mommy is fondling my breasts and leaving more marks on my neck.

"Cum for me princess." She says and sucks my clit harder.

I scream and cum, covering her face. I breathe heavily and fall limp onto Mommy. She petting my hair and whispering in my ear. "You did such a good job baby girl. You came so well for us."

"I wanna please you guys." I say quietly and look at the both of them.

Mama smiles and goes behind Mommy. I slide off of Mommy's lap and fall between her legs. She looks down at me and moans. I push her dress up to her hip and pull down her stockings and panties. I kiss up her thighs and leave small love bites behind before reaching her pussy. "Mmmm baby you make Mommy so wet." She moans as my tongue makes contact with her clit. I suck her clit and then I bring two fingers up and slide them inside. She moans loudly and Mama kisses her neck. I look up at her and her eyes are pure love and lust as she looks down at me in between her legs. She tightens around my fingers and cums on my face. I smile and sit back on her lap facing her.

Mama leans over Mommy's shoulder and kisses me, tasting Mommy on my lips. "Good job princess." She smiles and kisses me again, then licks my lips.

Mommy is flushed but smiling at me. "You're really good at that baby girl."

I giggle. "I know. That's one thing I know I'm pretty good at."

"Cocky princess?" Mama smiles and I walk over to her. She pushes me down to my knees and I happily comply. She puts her hand under my chin and forces my face to look up at her. "You wanna fuck me?" She asks keeping her grip on my chin.

I nod.

"I can't hear you baby." She says sternly.

"Yes Mama."

"Good girl." She smiles and pushes my face to her pussy. Somewhere in all of the chaos she managed to take off her pants.

I don't kiss her thighs like I did with Mommy. I go straight for her clit sucking it. She moans and holds my head in place. I smile and thrust my tongue into her. She gasp and moans. Mommy sits in her chair watching and touching herself. I go back to sucking her clit and I can feel her body wanting to orgasm. She holds it back and I feel flustered. I fuck her with my tongue again this time feeling her pussy contract around my tongue and her cum all over my face.

I look up at her innocently. "I told you Mama."

She chuckles. "That you did princess."

Mommy motions for me to go over to her. I crawl over to her and kiss her. She smiles and bites my lip lightly. "Good job baby."

Mama hands me my panties and smacks my ass playfully, "Put these on princess."

I smile and put them on. She sees the rainbow on the ass and laughs. "Those are cute baby. I didn't notice that before."

"Maybe cuz you were too focused on something else." I smirk.

"Watch it princess." She smiles and kisses me. "You're beginning to sound like a brat."

"But you love it." I giggle and sit back down on Mommy's lap.

She rolls her eyes and smiles at me. She doesn't answer but I know she loves it. "I love you Mama." I smile.

"I love you too princess."


	11. Chapter Eleven: Bliss

Mommy puts me down and stands up pulling her dress back down to normal. I look up at her with a smile. "Mommy..."

She smiles down at me. "What is baby girl?" She smiles and puts a hand on my head. I put my hands on top of hers.

"Really little." I say looking at her almost desperately.

She smiles even wider and picks me up. "I've got you baby." She smiles and brings me into the bedroom and sits me on the bed. "Kat!" She yells and Mama runs in.

"What is it Babe?" She smiles and looks at me. She sees the almost glazed over look on my face and understands almost immediately. She walks over to me and kisses my nose. I giggle and lay down onto the bed.

They both laugh and sit on the bed with me. "Such a cute little baby." Mommy smiles and I grab onto her hand, playing with her fingers and painted nails.

Mama sets my head in her lap and plays with my hair.

This little space was completely different. Nothing sexual in nature. Just pure want of affection and care. There was a clear difference and thankfully they picked up on it.

"Mmm" I start to try and talk but I get frustrated.

"What is it princess?" Mama smiles down at me.

I grab for her hand and put it near Mommy's hand that I was holding with my other hand. I smile and close my eyes. " 'm happy"

Mommy lays down next to me and kisses my forehead. "As you always should be baby girl."

Mama slips my head out from her lap and puts a pillow there instead. She lays down on my other side. I their hands and begin to zone out into an almost waking sleep. The utter calmness that overtook my body was like nothing I have ever experienced.

Mommy pulls me closer to her and I snuggle into her chest. I breathe in her perfume and smile. Now my sweater will smell like her. I slowly come out of the euphoric headspace and look up at Mommy. "Now my sweatshirt is gonna smell like you." I smile quietly.

She smiles and hugs me really tight. "Mommy. I can't breathe." I gasp and she chuckles.

I sit up and smile at the two women next to me. Then I slowly move towards the side of the bed, hoping to slide off and sneak away. Even though I know fully that they are watching me the entire time. I get to the edge of the bed and jump down. When I land pain shoots through my foot. I scream in pain. They both look at me. "Why?" Mama asks putting her face in her palm.

"It seemed like a great idea in my head." I try and smile as I shake my foot trying to get the pain to go away. "I'm definitely not little anymore. Ow." I wince.

"You okay hun?" She says putting a hand on my shoulder.

I nod and walk away and out of the room, now ignoring any pain I had felt. I walk into the living room and sit on the couch deep in thought. 'Why do I wanna call them that always? I don't want them to think I'm using them. I don't want them to be annoyed. I don't want them to hate me.'

I feel tears in my eyes and wipe them away. I still feel weird and like I don't really live here. It sucks that something so small can trigger me so much. I'm hiding in the kitchen and watching the Boston skyline through the window when I hear footsteps walk into the living room, probably looking for me. I don't go towards them. My entire body feels as though it is being held down by a hundred boulders.

"Lex..." A soft voice says. Trixie had stopped in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Hey." I say, my voice mono toned and dead.

"Did something happen?" She asks not wanting to get too close in case I may get uncomfortable.

"I'm just fighting an internal battle right now and I just don't wanna drag you guys down with it."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I finally turn around from the window. My cheeks stained with the remnants of tears. "I'm afraid that you and Katya are going to get tired of me. That you will grow to hate me and that you guys think that I'm only here because I like you taking care of me. I just don't want you guys to hate me." Tears brim my eyes again and I wipe them away before they can escape.

Trixie walks over to me and hugs me. "Listen, there is nothing you could ever do that would make us hate you. And you can call us Mama and Mommy whenever you want to. Honestly we enjoy taking care of you so much."

"What if you guys decide that you're just done with having me around? I'm only 19 and you guys are adults, like real adults. What if you realize having me around is too much of a hassle and kick me out?" I'm crying into her. Permeating her dress with my tears.

"We would have never asked you to be a part of our relationship if we didn't think we wanted you here forever. Me and Katya have been together for almost 10 years and we know exactly what we want and we want you. There is no question about that. I promise." She kisses my lips and wipes away my tears.

"Princess, I promise that this is what we want." Katya says walking over from the doorway. "There is no way I would have ever brought you into this if it was temporary. I love you. Trixie loves you."

I nod and wipe my tears away again. "Can we have Chinese for dinner?" I chuckle looking up at the both of them.

"Of course baby." Katya smiles and kisses me. "Listen, if you ever feel like this again come and talk to me okay? I just want to make sure you always feel loved and appreciated."

"Okay." I ponder my thoughts for a minute. "It feels so weird to call you guys by your names now." I chuckle.

"You can call us whatever makes you comfortable. We don't mind anything." Trixie smiles and runs a hand through my hair.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Smoke and Shopping

I kiss each of them and smile. "I'm sorry I'm so difficult."

"We understand. This is all new to you and its nerve wracking. You have nothing to apologize for." Katya smiles hugs me.

"Can I have a minute?" I smile.

They both nod and I walk back into the closet put on some warmer clothes and into the bedroom. I head out on the balcony and pull out my pack of cigarettes. I light one up hoping they don't see me. Katya smokes but I don't want them to think less of me because I do. I hear footsteps inside and then slowly the door opens. I turn around hiding the cigarette behind me.

"You really think hiding it behind your back is gonna hide the smoke coming up from behind you?" Katya chuckles and takes it from my hand and takes a drag. "Why did you think you had to hide this from us?"

She hands it back. "I don't know. I just thought you may think less of me for some reason." I take a drag and hand it back.

"Baby, I literally smoke during class, what would make you think that?"

"I don't know. My brain is irrational." I shrug and steal the cigarette from her mouth to take a drag.

She chuckles and and takes the now burnt out cigarette from my mouth and discards it in a small trashcan. "Well you don't have to hide this from us."

She puts a hand on my back and leads me back inside. "Also, these are shitty cigarettes." Katya smiles. "I'll get you better ones."

"Thank you." I smile and kiss her.

Trixie smiles and walks into the bedroom. "Where have you two been?"

"Just having a good talk." Katya smiles and kisses Trixie.

Trixie chuckles. "Ohh gotcha."

I eye them both confused. "I can taste it on her breath."

"Oooh." I laugh feeling stupid but not letting it show. "What's for dinner?"

"We had lunch like an hour and a half ago?" Katya smiles.

"I know but I'm just curious."

They both laugh. "I'm guessing you have something in mind?"

"Chinese?" I giggle and give them the puppy dog eyes that always seem to work.

"Alright we'll see what we can do."

"Yayy." I smile and resist the urge to jump up and down.

"We have a question for you?" Katya says and sits down on the bed.

I move towards the bed and repeatedly try to jump onto it. She laughs then Trixie comes from behind me and lifts me onto the bed. "Thanks." I smile

"Would you want to take your last week of classes off before break and we can have all of break together?"

"Please. I don't think I could go into any of my classes right now they are so tiring. Plus we don't have anything left to do and I finished all my finals early and passed them in." I sigh and lay back on the bed relieved. "But don't you still have to go in and grade things?" I ask looking up at her.

"I can have my TA do it. That's what he's there for. Plus he'll do anything to be on my good side so I think I can get the college to give me the week off."

"What about you?" I ask turning onto my side to look at Trixie, who's standing next to the bed.

"I make my own schedule. I'm free for as long as I want." She smiles. 

"So your telling me I get you guys to myself for a month. Just us. No school, no work?"

"Exactly."

"You're gonna hate me by the end of this month." I giggle and roll back onto my back.

Suddenly I feel two sets of hands tickling me. "Noooooo." I squeal and roll around giggling. "Not fair."

I escape their tickling as soon as I crawl into Katya's lap. "So first order of business on this month together is getting to know everything about you and what you love to do." She smiles and kisses my head.

"I like ice skating. Even though I will probably break my ankle if I do it, but I haven't gone since I was a kid. Also there is this ice castle thing back in New Hampshire that is really cool that they light up and stuff. And most importantly, my birthday is in December." I smile.

"Well when is it baby?" Trixie smiles sitting down on the bed next to us.

"The fourth. But you don't have to do anything really. I just want to spend it with you guys."

"You do know we are going to spoil you on your birthday right?" Katya chuckles.

"Yeah, but I really don't need anything." I smile.

"Hmm, when we take you shopping you'll have to give us ideas for at least one gift."

"Fiiiine."

"Speaking of shopping, would you be up to going now? At least to just get you some clothes?" Trixie asks and puts her hand on my knee.

"Is it gonna be crowded?"

"I don't think it will be that crowded today." She smiles and kisses my nose.

"Alright then I guess we can go." I smile about to jump off the bed before I remember what happened last time I did that. Trixie sets me on the ground. "Thank you."

We all head for the door, then they stop and look at me. "You're going to borrow one of my jackets until we buy you one." Trixie smiles and puts it on me.

I smile and happily take it. I love everything that smells like these two. Trixie smells like expensive perfume and champagne. Katya smells like cigarettes and fresh rain. Not sure how she smells like that but I love it.

We head down to the car and drive for about a half hour. We arrive at the Mall and I get out excited. As we walk in I see how big the mall is. "Woah." quietly escapes my mouth.

"Have you never been here before?" Katya asks with a smile.

"No. The biggest mall I've been to is one floor with like 25 stores max."

I immediately walk into Spencer's and look through all of the shirts and sweatshirts. I find one that says "NOT TODAY JESUS" I giggle and grab it. I continue searching through and find a Freddy v Jason Hoodie and snag it. I grab myself a few sets of boxers and a ravenclaw beanie. I finish looking around and don't have much in my hands. "I'm done."

"But you barely have anything sweetheart." Trixie smiles.

"I don't wanna make you spend a lot on me." I blush.

"I promise you I have plenty of money to spend and will gladly spend all of it on you." She puts a hand on my shoulder and I nod.

I walk back over to the rack and grab a couple more shirts and then walk back over to her.

"I'm ready for the next store now." I say and she follows me to the counter and pays for everything and Katya carries the bag. "At least let me carry the stuff." I say looking at Katya.

"Nope. Remember we said we would take care of you." She smiles and prompts me to find the next store I wanna go into.

I see a Zumiez and I walk in. I see a cute color blocked jacket and fall in love with it immediately. Then I see the price tag and walk away from it. I got away with only letting them spend $50 dollars on me in the last store because everything I got was on sale, but this jacket alone was $80. Trixie follows behind me and grabs the jacket and puts it on her arm. I sigh in frustration and go to look at shoes. I see my dream shoes sitting on the wall and try not to make it look obvious that I want them. They are $65 and I can't let them buy that too. But sure enough Trixie is watching my every move and grabs them.

"I'm done in this store." I say and let her pay for the two things I picked out.

We keep walking and wander into H&M. Trixie gets distracted by some clothes and I take that to sneak away and look at sale racks. I grab a bunch of sweatpants on sale for $10 and some shirts on sale $2. I get out of there in time to get back to Trixie I have about $50 worth of stuff in my hands and what should be about $200 worth. I walk back into the men's section and look at a couple of full price items that I liked. I see a NASA hoodie and grab it. Then we check out at the register. Katya is now carrying 3 bags and I try to take one of them and she catches me.

"Don't worry about it baby." She smiles.

I sigh and grumble to myself. "Can we go to the book store?" I look up at Trixie with a big smile on my face?

"Of course." She smiles and I run into the store, fully knowing Katya would probably wanna scold me later.

I run ahead and through the aisles until I find the poetry section. I pick up a copy of 'Take Me With You' by Andrea Gibson and then run back to the entrance where I know Katya will be. "Baby." She looks down at me. "Didn't we talk about running ahead." She says sternly.

I nod and she texts Trixie that I'm back at the front with her.

Trixie comes back up and pays for the book and we move on. We head into bath and body work where I grab body wash and hand soap that I like.

Then we head into Newbury Comics where I geek out over Harley Quinn comics. "Can I get a comic book?" I ask looking up at Trixie and bite my lip.

"Baby, today is all about you. Get whatever you want."

I grab a Harley Quinn comic, the rub n smell special. Trixie pays and we walk over to Victoria Secret. Katya smiles and walks up to me and whispers in my ear. "What's your bra and panties size?"

"40 C, and Large" I whisper back before she runs into the store and I stay with Trixie at the entrance.

After about 10 minutes she comes back holding another bag. I sigh, getting tired from shopping. "Baby how about one last store then we can head home." Katya smiles.

"Okay."

She walks us through the mall and we walk into build a bear. I have a huge smile on my face as I look at all of the stuffed animals. I run in and grab a penguin and immediately go through the whole process in about 5 minutes before returning to Trixie who pays for it. I hold the penguin close to me as we walk back out to the car.

As soon as we are all in the car I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you"

"Anytime princess." Mama smiles.

"Mommy?" I say moving to the middle of the back seat.

"What sweetheart?"

"How come you bought me all that stuff even though I put it back?"

"Because I could tell you wanted it and that you're so used to not having money that you were willing to go without. But you don't have to do that anymore." She smiles

I lean into the front seat and kiss her on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too baby. Now sit down so we can go home and we can order dinner." She smiles and starts the car.

"Does that mean we're gonna have Chinese?" I ask shocked. "Even after you bought me all this stuff?"

"Of course princess." Mama smiles and holds my hand from the front seat.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a lil bit of smut

When we get home Mommy gets out of the car and carries me. I blush a little but hold onto her and hug her. When we get inside the apartment I walk over to the stack of bags. "Mama? What did you buy in Victoria's Secret?"

"You wanna see?"

I nod with a big grin on my face. She grabs the bag and pulls out black baby doll lingerie. I bite my lip as I see it. "Is it for me Mama?"

She smiles. "Yes baby."

"Does Mommy know about it?"

"No she doesn't. We're gonna surprise her later." She smiles and puts it back in the bag with a wink. 

"Mommy." I smile and walk over to her in the kitchen. "I'm only picky about one thing in the Chinese food. We need to get crab rangoons. I know you're a vegetarian but they're my favorite." I smile wide.

"I suppose if its your favorite." She smiles and leans down to kiss me.

"Thank you!" I beam and run back out to Mama who is putting my stuff away in the closet.

"When can we surprise Mommy?" I ask looking up at her.

"How about after dinner. Then we can get you all dressed up for her okay?" She smiles and runs her hand through my hair.

"Okay." I smile and walk back out to Mommy. She is on her phone standing in the kitchen, ordering dinner.

She hangs up and turns around to see me. "Sweetheart, what are you and Mama up to?" She smiles and picks me up.

"Nothin Mommy. Don't know what you're talkin about." I smile and kiss her.

"Sure baby girl." She smiles.

"Mmmm... I think that we should watch a movie tonight." I giggle.

"What movie?"

"Hmmmmm A Quiet Place?" I smile widely.

"I think Mama will be excited."

"What about you Mommy? Are you gonna hate it?"

"No sweetheart. I like scary movies, Mama just likes them a lot more." She smiles and kisses me. "I promise."

"Okay." I smile and she puts me down, I run to find Mama.

She is in the living room and on her laptop. "Mama can we watch A Quiet Place? Pleeeeease?" I smile and sit down next to her on the couch.

"Okay princess." She smiles and kisses me.

I walk into the living room and sit next to Mama. Mommy walks out and smiles and sits down. 

I climb into Mama's lap and hug her. "Mine." I mumble and close my eyes.

Mommy sits down next to us. "Can we share her?"

"Noooope. Miiine." I giggle.

"Awww." She fakes being sad and pretends to cry.

"Noooo! No cry." I move over to her lap.

She grabs onto me and showers me with kisses. "Now you're mine and I'm not sharing you." She laughs and hugs me.

Mama laughs and pulls me back. "Noooo she's mine." And hugs me tight.

I giggle and pull away. They both look at me and smile. "How bout you both have me?" I jump in between them. "Seeeeee! It works better this wayy."

They both kiss my cheeks at the same time. I smile widely and bite my lip.

The door bells rings and Mommy walk down the hall to get the Chinese food from the delivery guy. I hear the door close and run and steal the bag from her hands and run into the kitchen. I take out the container of crab rangoons and run back to the couch.

Mommy and Mama take time and make up plates as I sit on the couch and watch some random commercials play. They come back and I look up at them. "A Quiet Place now?"

"Sure let me set it up." Mama smiles and connects her laptop to the TV.

The opening goes through and we watch the first kid die. Mommy gasps and Mama just watches with no real expression. As the movie continues I ogle over Emily Blunt and how incredibly attractive I think she is. I forget what I'm watching and focus on her, then on John Krasinski who I also see as extremely attractive. That's another couple I would gladly join anytime.

We get to the scene where Emily Blunt gives birth silently in a bath tub and I hear both of them cringe and make noises to accompany it. I chuckle. "Brutal."

They both look at me and laugh.

The movie ends and I look up at them. "Is it bad that if I had the chance to join Emily Blunt and John Krasinki's marriage I would?" I giggle

"Wow, ouch my heart." Mommy smiles. "I mean also I didn't know you were bisexual."

"I kinda just get with people I like. Gender isn't super important, but I love pussy." I laugh.

"Well that's the truth." Mama giggles and kisses me.

"Oooh the thing." I say looking at Mama.

"Right. Let's go." She smiles and grabs my hand and drags me into the closet.

"Where are you two going?" Mommy chuckles and looks at us running away.

"Just wait there hun." Mama smiles and gets me dressed in my lingerie.

I giggle as I look at myself in the mirror. Then I bite my lip and start to feel self conscious in it. "Princess you're beautiful." She kisses my shoulder. "You look stunning. Mommy is gonna love it."

I nod and kiss her. "Okay Mama." I nod to myself in the mirror and then grab Mommy's robe and put it on over the lingerie. "I want it to be an extra surprise." I giggle and walk out to the living room.

As I walk in Mommy smiles. "So what are you two hiding?"

I walk up in front of her and sit on her lap. "How about you find out." I chuckle and put her hand on the tied belt on the robe.

She pulls it open and gasps and bites her lip. "Baby you're so beautiful." She smiles and kisses me.

I smile into the kiss and slowly begin to grind on her leg. She moans and pushes me down onto the couch. She slides her hands up and down my body sucking my neck and leaving love bites. "mmm mommy." I moan and grind up into her.

She grabs my wrist with one hand and holds them above my head. "This okay?" She whispers in my ear. I nod and she uses her other hand and runs in down to my panties and pulls them down. She slowly runs her hand through my pussy and I moan loudly. She fingers me slowly with one finger before promptly adding another finger. I moan and bite my lip. "No baby I wanna hear you." She demands.

I let my next moan out and then hear Mama moan from the chair nearby. She was touching herself as mommy fucked me. Mommy began fucking me hard and then lets go of my hands and brings her mouth down to my pussy. The second her tongue begins fucking me I moan and feel my body begin to go over the edge. "Mmmm gonna cum." I gasp out fully immersed in the pleasure of the moment.

I cum hard into Mommy's mouth and feel my body collapse into the couch. Mommy pulls my panties back up and pulls me into her lap. "You did good baby." She holds me close and plays with my hair.

Mama walks over to us and kisses my nose. "My beautiful princess."

I smile and hold Mama's hand and feel my breathing return to normal. "Cuddle now?" I ask with my eyes feeling heavy.

Mommy stands up and carries me in her arms to the bedroom and sets me down. I peel the lingerie off my body. I feel super self conscious about myself and crawl under the blanket immediately. "You're beautiful baby girl." Mommy says and gets into bed with me after changing out of her clothes for the day, leaving her in her panties and a tank top.

I mumble a response along the lines of "no" and hide in her chest.

"Baby look at me." She sternly says. I look up at her kind of sadly. "I mean it, you're a beautiful person. I love you. Everything about you. Even what you believe to be flaws."

Mommy was a woman with bigger hips and big breasts. She was curvy but she was stunning. I have a tummy and stretch marks and I don't like my chest. I weigh like 160 pounds and I'm only 5'2. I still don't know how she could possibly pick me up.

"But Mommy, I have stretch marks and a tummy. I don't look pretty like you and Mama. Mama is skinny and looks really pretty and your curvy but it looks really good on you. I have a tummy and I'm short and it doesn't look good on me." I shake my head.

Mama walks into the room after changing into pajamas and getting ready for bed.

Mommy is still trying to convince me I'm beautiful. "Baby would I ever lie to you?" She asks me looking into my eyes. I shake my head and tears prick the corners of my eyes. "I promise you, that you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my entire life. Nothing will change my mind about that."

Mama climbs into the bed and holds me from behind. "Princess, we talked about this earlier. You are beautiful. Every part of you is perfect. You're not gross you are amazing." She kisses the top of my head and hugs me closer.

I nod and close my eyes and get comfortable in her arms. "I love you guys." I smile.

"We love you too." Mama smiles and Mommy plays with my hair.

I feel myself falling asleep and I can't fight it anymore and let it happen.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Poetic Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit based on my favorite poetry book Take Me With You by Andrea Gibson

I wake up at 3 am and slide out of Katya's arms and sneak out of the bed carefully, making sure not to fall off the bed this time. I walk into the closet and put on a pair of my boxers and new sweats and one of my shirts with my new jacket. Then I grab my new book and my cigarettes and head out onto the balcony. I light my cigarette and begin to read the book. The first section is all about love and it really stands out to me.

"She makes me feel like I could win the lottery with a parking ticket." - Andrea Gibson.

I take a long drag and continue reading more of the poetry and it gives me many ideas for my own poetry. I keep reading and then look at my phone and notice I've been reading for close to an hour. I sigh, still not feeling tired and lighting another cigarette and continuing to read.

I hear movement inside but just continue to read. I hear the door open. "Princess what are you doing out here?" Katya says walking out and pulling a chair over closer to me.

"Just reading my new book. I can't sleep. I don't even feel tired right now." I says closing the book and looking at her. "There are a few poems in here that remind me of you and Trixie." I smile and hand her the book. "Page 12 is the first one."

The poem reads:

"You will never have to lose yourself to win me over."

"It reminds me of our conversation last night." She looks up from the book and smiles. The next one is on page 16."

Poem:

"She makes me feel like I could win the lottery with a parking ticket."

She chuckles."There are a few more too." I smile. "Page 19"

Poem:

"Before I met you my joy had such an early curfew it didn't bother going out."

"Page 23 next"

Poem:

"You look like Marilyn Monroe and it makes me wanna run... for president."

"Princess these are insanely cute. This book is honestly perfect for you."

"This book is what inspired me to start writing my poetry." I smile. "I read a few of her poems online and listened to some of her spoken word and I honestly fell in love with it."

She smiles and puts an arm around me. "You know that we're gonna have to get you into a routine of some kind so maybe you have a normal sleep schedule."

"Overrated." I chuckle and lean onto her shoulder.

Katya takes my half burnt cigarette and takes a couple drags before handing it back. I finish it and contemplate lighting another one. We sit out there for a while longer looking over the quiet city. "Is Trixie a heavy sleeper?"

"Fairly. I mean you seem to be able to sneak out of the bed, and you were not stealthy at all." She laughs.

"Dammit I thought I was doing so well." I laugh.

I pull out my phone and check the time. "It's 4:30 already."

"Are you still not tired?"

I shake my head. "Not in the slightest."

"Let's go make some coffee then." She smiles and we head inside quietly and into the kitchen. She starts a pot of coffee and I sit on the counter. She walks over to me and kisses me.

"Random question but do you have any hair ties?" I ask smiling down at her.

"I think so."

"Can you pleeease go get one for me?" I smile and kiss her.

She smiles and goes into the bathroom and grabs a couple. "Here princess."

"Thank you." My hair is very short. Like I shaved it down to nothing a few months ago except for the top and its at an awkward stage where the longer top part is always in my face and the other sides are too short to do anything with. So I take the longer bit at the top and put it into a man bun.

Katya looks at me and chuckles. "Is this what the kids are doing with their hair these days?" She chuckles.

"Not since like 2015 but I'm sick of my hair but I wanna grow it out so its gonna be like this for a while." I smile. "It's kinda dumb but I wear hats most of the time anyway," I shrug. "How late do you think Trixie will get up in the morning?" I ask swinging my legs.

"I believe she should be getting up about 6 am and heading out to the gym." She says and the coffee finishes brewing.

"How much can she lift? If she can carry me around I mean how does she not look like a body builder?" I ask with a smile.

"What do you like in you coffee?"

"Cream and sugar. Like a 3 second pour on the cream and like 3 spoons of sugar."

"But she goes to the gym usually 3-4 times a week and honestly I think she can probably bench like 200 pounds. She's been weight training for like 4 years or something like that. But she is an incredibly strong woman."

"I've just never really been carried around before. It's kinda fun." I smile and take the cup from Katya who leans against the counter next to me. "I mean I've always been the, I guess 'dominant' person in the relationship. Having to buy everything, they steal all of my clothes and that kind of thing because I happen to look like the more masculine person. I mean gender is a weird thing that I honestly don't understand. I know I'm like somewhere in the middle but like I hate my tits but love my vagina so like I don't know. Plus I've mostly dated people who were experimenting with girls and then they would shatter my heart after leading me on for months. High school was rough. Then my freshman year of college rolled around and during the first semester I was on like Tinder or one of those apps and me and this girl hit it off and were hanging out all of the time. We got to the point of kissing, and heavy make out sessions, she gave me free weed. It was great. Then I find out that she is basically dating a dude and after telling me she wanted to date me rips out my heart and says she's not looking for anything serious and then we just stop speaking completely. Which sucked because she was basically my only friend I've made since being here." I realize I've been ranting and lean my head on Katya's. "Sorry for ranting so much. I just get hella frustrated about things."

"It's fine. Girls suck. I get that. I was dating guys and girls back in high school, but I was also the blood sucking druggie, so people were either afraid of me or they were my friend and we fucked. I think high school just sucks for everyone. I mean at least you got free weed for a little while right?" She smiles and holds my free hand with hers.

I look over to the clock and its 5 AM. "Can we go on YouTube and watch like really stupid conspiracy theories and just see what we can find? I'm bored and really don't know what to do?" I chuckle. "I mean I used do it high but I feel like really early in the morning works too."

"Why not?" She smiles and we head into the living room and set up Katya's laptop. I search through and we begin watching conspiracy videos, which then turned into videos about serial killers.

We're entranced by the videos until we hear footsteps behind us. We both turn around to see a confused and yawning Trixie. "How long have you guys been up?

"I've been up since 3 AM." I smile

"About 4 for me." Katya says sipping on her second cup of coffee.

Trixie shakes her head and goes in to get dressed. I chuckle. "She must think we're insane."

"She's known I've been insane since the day I met her 8 years ago." Katya smiles.

"You guys do seem like quite the odd match from an outside perspective."

"But we're more alike in ways I can't even describe and also I'm madly in love with her."

Trixie walks out with a gym bag over her shoulder and kisses each of us. "I'll be back by 8:30, can you guys be dressed and ready? I have a surprise for you baby." She winks and closes the door.

"What do you know about this?" I ask eying Katya suspiciously.

"Absolutely nothing princess." She smiles lying terribly and kissing me.


	15. Chapter Fifteen: High End Surprises

After watching videos again after Trixie left we finally start to get ready at 8 AM. I just keep on what I've been wearing since I woke up and sit in the closet with Katya as she gets dressed. She puts on a pair skinny jeans and a jacket. "Can you tell me where we're going yet?" I whine, sitting on the floor.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you now." She smiles and walks away towards the bathroom.

I follow her and whine more. "But Maaamaaaaa. Pleeeeeeease...." I pout and try the puppy dog eyes.

She bends down to me on the floor and kisses me. "No princess."

I grumble and walk out of the bathroom and jump up onto the bed. I lay down and crawl under the blankets. Mama walks out of the bathroom and sits on the bed next to me. "I promise you're gonna love it princess. Please don't be mad."

I move the blankets away from my face. "But surprises make me nervous." I pout up at her.

She kisses me. "But it will be worth it in the end bug." She smiles and pulls me out of the blankets.

"mmmm okay Mama." I say and sliding out of bed.

I hear the front door open and shut and I run and jump into Mommy's arms. "Mommmmmmmy! Where are weeee goinggg?" I whine

"She hasn't stop asking since you left." Mama smiles and walks up behind me.

"Pleeeease Mommmy." I pout.

"But baby girl, you're gonna love the surprise when we get there." She smiles. "But we gotta leave so we can get there okay?"

I huff annoyed and drop out her arms. "I hate surprises." I grumble to myself and sit on the couch annoyed.

They both grab their jackets and mine along with some bags. "Are we staying somewhere?"

"Guess you'll have to come put your coat on and find out." Mama says holding it up for me to put it on.

I grumble and stomp over. "Keep it up and I'm gonna have to punish you." Mama whispers in my ear.

A shiver goes down my spine and I put on my jacket. Mama holds my hand as we went in the elevator and until we got into the car.

"How far away is it?" I whine and lean back into the seat.

"About 2 and a half hours baby girl. Try and sit back and relax okay?" Mommy says as she starts the car.

"Mama, can you sit back here with me? I don't wanna be alone." I say looking up at her tears pricking my eyes.

She doesn't answer and just gets into the backseat and sits right next to me. "What's wrong princess?" She coos into my ear and holds me.

"I hate surprises. Like they make me incredibly anxious." I say with a tear escaping.

"Shhh baby. It's okay, it's amazing I promise and from now on no more surprises I promise." She kisses the top of my head and holds me.

Mommy had started driving and we were about half way through the trip. I had been clinging onto Mama. She was playing with my hair and holding me. I must have fallen asleep because Mama has to shake me awake when we get there. The car begins to pull into a giant hotel. It takes a minute to register before I begin to squeal. "It's the Mt. Washington Hotel! This place is insane and haunted and very expensive."

"I didn't know you would be so excited by this part of the trip baby." Mommy chuckles as we pull up to the valet and we grab our bags as he takes the car.

"I've always wanted to come here. I've been dreaming about it since I was 5. I love ghost hunting. Me and my mother would do it when I was younger and we have some pretty solid pictures." I smile at the memory before it fades into a solemn expression of the current state of my relationship with my parents.

Mama picks up on it and holds my hand. "It's okay baby. We have you." She smile reassuringly as we check into the hotel.

"So you said this part. What else is there?" I ask jumping onto the king sized bed that was close enough to the floor not to be a threat.

"You'll find out part of it tonight." Mommy smiles and puts down her bags.

"Ugh more surprises." I grumble and climb into the bed. "I hate stupid surprises."

Mommy climbs into the bed next to me. "I'm sorry baby girl. I just wanted to do something special for you."

"It's not that I don't love it Mommy." I say turning to look at her. "It's just that surprises scare me. They're never usually good for me." I look away from her and turn back away.

She snakes her arm around me and pulls me in close to her. "Alright sweetheart, no more surprises after this okay?" She kisses my cheek and cuddles me close.

"I missed all the snow." I hum. "Its kinda homey."

"I'm glad you're happy baby." She cuddles me closer.

"Can we come up here more often? Like not all the time, but I kinda wanna show you guys places I went as a kid." I smile and turn around towards Mommy.

"I think we could. Plus I think I like it here." She smiles and kisses me.

Mama sits down on the bed. "What places did you go a lot?"

"Well we used to go hiking a lot, and there is this place me and my dad trespassed on military property together and got caught and found a bunch of military bunkers. There are a couple of tiny amusement parks that are really cool. I can show you all my favorite places hidden in the woods around here. I can show you where I learned to drive even though I never got my license. Ummm There's this place called Castle in The Clouds where its a big fancy house but there is also horseback riding, I never got to do that because it was expensive, and I never went into the house either. But there are lots of walking trails there. We can go to the drive in, and the world's largest arcade. There is a World War 2 museum that I used to frequent a lot. I can show you my high school and maybe I could introduce you to my high school friends, meaning my teachers because they are the only ones who I got along with. Ohh and back in Massachusetts there is this tiny town my great grandmother lives in that is lovely. And I could visit her. She is 97 and she loves my art and I'm one of her favorite grand kids."

They both laugh. "Well I guess we know our plans for the next six months." Mama smiles and runs a hand through my hair.

I hear my phone ringing. I spring out of the bed and run to see who it is. I see my mother's contact on my screen and slowly pick up the phone to answer. "Hello?"

"Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk?" My mother asks me on the other end.

"Yeah sure."


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Blown Out Of Proportion

"I know what I said a couple months ago but I really think we should talk this out."

I walk into the bathroom and lock myself in it. "You were incredibly rude. You always think you're entitled to my art. I was just trying to give some of it to dad and you blew it way out of proportion. I never gave it to you, I said look through it and see what you like."

"I know what I said. I'm sorry okay? Please just, can you come home and see us? Your sisters miss you and your dad misses you. Please?"

"Can I think about it for the night and call you tomorrow?" I sigh shaking my head.

"Okay, call me after I get out of work."

"Okay bye." I hang up the phone and throw it on the counter.

I grumble loudly to myself and pace back and forth. Then I open the door and walk back out to a very concerned Trixie and Katya. "What's going on?"

"My mom wants me to come home and see her and my sister and dad." I say and sit down on the bed.

"The fight we had months ago was so stupid but she always takes things too far. I was literally giving my dad MY art and she just assumed everything was hers and we fought and when I got back to school she told me not to come home for a while." I put my face in my hands. "I miss everyone except her. Me and my dad were best friends and my little sister is a little shit but I love her and she's only 7 and doesn't understand. My older sister probably doesn't really care but I do miss her."

"It's okay Lex." Katya says sitting next to me and rubbing my back.

"I mean we're only an hour and a half away from my house. Do you think maybe we could go?" I ask looking between them.

"I think we can anytime you want. Are you sure bringing us with you is a good idea?"

"As long as I don't tell her I'm dating two people and just say you guys are my friends I think it'll be fine. Plus she'll probably be happy to see that I have friends in my life at all." I stand up and pace, getting anxious. Then I walk back into the bathroom and close myself in again.

I pick up my phone and dial my mother. "Hey did you already decide?" She asks

"Are you busy tonight?" I ask biting my nails.

"No are you coming over?"

"Sure."

"We can order a pizza or something. You still like the same stuff?"

"Yeah. I'll see you later. bye."

I hang up and then feel myself about to vomit. I rush to the toilet and vomit. "Fuck." I mumble as I stand up and wipe my face. I wash out my mouth with some water and mouthwash before going back out to Trixie and Katya.

"Can we go tonight? I know you guys had something planned but I think if I wait I'm gonna completely unravel an..."

Trixie cuts me off before I start getting myself worked up. "Yes of course we can baby. Our plans can wait until tomorrow."

I hug her. "Thank you."

Katya hugs me from behind. "We'll always be here for you."

We head back out to the car and start to make the drive over to my mom's house. Katya sits in the back with me without my asking and holds my hand. My legs are shaking uncontrollably and I've bitten my lip to the point of it bleeding. Katya wipes my lip of the little bit of blood she sees. "Please try to calm yourself before we get there bug."

I nod and try to breathe. The ride goes by like a blur and I give Trixie directions on how to get there. They pull into the driveway and see the house. "It looks like a nice house."

"That's not where she lives." I say and get out of the car and lead them to the tiny apartment out back. "This is." I knock on the door.

My little sister sees me and opens the door jumping into me. "Lexii!" She screams.

"Hey pal how have you been? Getting in trouble a lot?" I smile.

My mom walks in and tries to hug me. I avoid it and go to sit on the couch. "Is dad here?"

"He's on his way with the pizza." She says sitting on the small brown couch with my sister.

I sit on the white couch with Trixie and Katya. "This is Trixie. And this is Katya. I've been staying with them and they have been helping me out." I say avoiding eye contact with her.

"Okay. Nice to meet you." She smiles at them.

I can feel the tension in the room. Between the tension between my mother and I as well as between Katya and Trixie putting on a brave face as to not beat my mother to the ground for being a douche.

My dad walks in the door and sees me. "Hey." He smiles and then puts the pizza down.

"Hey dad." I smile.

He comes in for a hug that I don't refuse but don't really participate in. "How have you been?"

"Fine."

I walk over to the pizza boxes and put them down in the kitchen. Then grab a piece. I bring back a slice for Katya and Trixie on a couple of plates, then hand it to them.

"Dad, this is Trixie and Katya. I've been staying with them."

"Nice to meet you." He smiles. "Oh Lex I have something for you." He goes through his coat pocket and grabs out a cassette of Queen and a walkman. "I know you were looking to get one of these and I figured I'd get you a new tape to go with it."

"Thank you. Where are all my other tapes?"

"In the closet with the rest of your things that aren't in storage."

I go over to the closet by the front door and grab my box of things, mostly books, CDs and tapes. My little sister was playing on her DS and ignoring all of the people in room as she always did. "Hey Willow?" I say prompting her to briefly look up from her game. "I have something for you." She throws the game aside and runs over.

I find a DS version of super smash bros in the box and hand it to her. "Wow thanks." She runs back over and plays the game.

"Has she still been getting in trouble at school all the time?" I ask looking over to my mother.

"Just the usual talking too much and blaming that Brody kid for everything she gets in trouble for."

I shrug. "At least you had one good kid in the middle." I chuckle referring to myself. I always got good grades, never really got in trouble, and was in college on a half scholarship.

"Yeah." She says and sits back on the couch.

My dad senses the tension and tries to play mediator like always. "Why don't you two go have a talk outside?"

"Okay." I say getting up and heading towards the door.

As soon as we get outside she starts talking. "I know you think I was being a bitch before but I honestly thought you gave me them."

"I never gave you any of those pieces, plus I can say what happens with my art. Not to mention you didn't take your medicine so you were being even worse."

"You never take your medicine either."

"I have been since I left, pretty consistently, only missing a couple days. I don't want to become you."

She stops and she looks at me. "Well I don't know what else to say to you right now. I think we're just gonna have to work past this over time. "

"Yeah I guess so." I walk back inside and grab my box of stuff and put my jacket back on. "Thanks for dinner. I'll come visit again at some point."

"Maybe for Christmas?" My dad offers up and hopes I say yes.

"I'll see, maybe after that." I walk out the door Katya and Trixie right behind me.

I throw my box of stuff in the back of the car and jump into the backseat. As soon as everyone is in the car I begin crying. Trixie starts the car and drives it a couple miles down the road and away from my mother's house before pulling into an empty parking lot and her and Katya both getting in the backseat with me.

"Shh baby its okay." She says holding me close.

"Why can't she see why she was being completely stupid?" My tears a mix of anger and being overwhelmed. "Me and her were so close at one point and now it seems hopeless."

"Shh its just gonna take time to get through it. I promise everything will work out." Katya rubs my back. "Plus your dad is pretty cool guy. He was telling us all about how you and him did stuff together all the time and how he brought you to your first concert and did all these things with you. He loves you so much. He misses you."

"I miss him too but I can't go back there all the time like I used to. It's just not healthy for me anymore." I wipe my tears. "I wanna go back to the hotel now. I'm tired."

"Do you want me to sit back here with you princess?"

I nod and lay my head down in her lap. Slowly beginning to nod off as the car drives over the country roads I know so well.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: Punishments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut

We get back to the hotel around seven and Trixie carries me in because I'm still only half awake. Only a couple of weird looks arise from it as we head up to our room. When she sets me on the bed I wake up a bit more. "I don't know if I could handle that again for a long time."

"It's okay baby, its all gonna go at your pace." Katya smiles. "Now we have two options for tonight. We can stay here and just hang out or, we can go to your first surprise."

I think for a moment. "We should go do the thing." I say standing up.

"Okay princess." She smiles and I melt into a puddle.

I smile back and hug her. "How do you always know what I need?"

"Because I love you." She kisses me.

I giggle. "Mama, I love you too."

"Come on baby girl, lets get going." Mommy smiles and I run over and take her hand.

We ride in the car again, this time Katya sitting back up in the front. I sit in the middle seat and lean forward. "Princess, sit back." I grumble but comply. "You should put your seat belt on."

"But its New Hampshire so I don't have tooo." I whine.

"But I want you to be safe so put it on." She says sternly and turns around. I cross my arms and pout. "What did I say earlier about your behavior?" She looks at me with a look of lust.

I feel my body react and my boxers getting wet. And nod putting my seat belt on. Now I had a plan.

We arrive and I see the ice castles lit up. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I say excited and unbuckling and kissing them both on the cheek.

We head inside and they give our tickets to the guy up front and we walk inside. I automatically dart towards the ice tunnels and leave them behind me, knowing full well this would probably push Mama over the edge and she would punish me. I crawl through a bunch of the tunnels seeing no one else. It was a night when most people wouldn't be there and I loved it. I see one of the slides and slide down, only for Mama to be standing at the bottom with her arms crossed. I bite my lip and look up at her.

"Why are you being so bratty princess?" She whispers in my ear. "Is someone looking for attention?" I moan quietly and my body shivers.

She walks over to Mommy and whispers something to her. I bite my lip and sneak away before she walks back over. I head through one of the rooms with tall arches and look around. I hear footsteps behind me and whip around expecting to see Mama, but instead I see Mommy. My eyes widen as she gets closer.

"Baby girl, if you keep it up we're not gonna let you cum later." She whispers in my ear and I whimper quietly. She slides a hand into my pants and rubs my pussy quickly and abruptly stops. I whine at the loss of contact. "You're already so wet baby." She smirks and licks her fingers and uses her other hand to guide me back out to Mama.

I behave the rest of the time, desperate to cum after that last encounter. On the drive back it took everything in me not to touch myself and just get it over with. I felt my boxers get completely soaked at the thoughts going through my head.

We get there and I swear they walk slowly on purpose to the room. As soon as the door to the room shuts Mommy grabs and practically throws me onto the bed. "So princess, why were you such a brat today?" She smirks and takes my jacket off of me. "Was someone needing a little bit of extra attention?" I bite my lip as she begins to strip off her own clothes. "Well being a little brat will certainly get you attention but not the kind I think you will like." She kisses me.

"Some ground rules. Green means keep going. Yellow means slow down. Red means stop. Got it."

"Yes Mama." I choke out through my utter shock and lust.

"Good." She strips off my shirt first and smiles when she sees I never put a bra on today. She then pulls my sweatpants down and sees my soaked boxers. "Well looks like someone like being a brat hmm." She teases me over my boxers and rubs my pussy lightly, but not enough to really get satisfaction. Mommy is smiling sitting on the other side of me. She grabs my hand and holds them above my head.

I moan quietly and bite my lip as Mama slowly peels my boxers off. Mommy begins leaving love bites all down my neck to my chest. Mama puts her finger in my mouth and I suck around it before she abruptly pulls it out and begins fingering Mommy, who is still holding my hands. Mommy moans and I felt my pussy get ever wetter. Mama begins eating her out and I bite my lip holding in my moans. Mommy cums and Mama kisses me quickly, giving me the slightest taste of Mommy.

I whine and breathe heavily before Mama puts her fingers back in my mouth and gives me the full taste of Mommy. I moan and Mommy slides down letting go of my hands and begins kissing my thighs and teasing me. Mama grabs my wrists as Mommy begins to lightly lick my pussy. I moan loudly and move my hips. "No moving princess." I whine and Mommy stops. I whine more and look at Mama with a pitiful look. "No whining princess or you won't be cumming tonight." I stop and try my hardest not to move or whine when Mommy begins teasing me again.

She finally puts two fingers inside me and in no time increases it to three. I moan loudly and my eyes roll to the back of my head. "Mommmy." I moan and cum onto her hand.

Her and Mama kiss each other then come and kiss me. "Color?" Mama says looking at me. "Green but tired Mama." I mumble and smile.

Mommy kisses me. "You did a good job baby. But no more being a brat or it will be worse next time." She smiles and lays next to me.

Mama lays down on my other side and they both curl around me. "I love you guys." I lazily say as I fall asleep.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Songs For Us

The next morning I wake up to Trixie and Katya both already being awake and getting ready for the day. "mornin'" I mumble and roll over in the bed away from the window.

"Ready for the day princess?" Katya asks as I hide under the blanket.

"Or I could stay in bed all day and pretend that the sun doesn't exist." I groan getting a headache from the sun.

"Come on baby we have more fun things to do today." Mommy says and shakes me a little.

"But its too bright." I grumble.

"Please baby?" She tries again.

I sit up and lean into her. "Tired."

She hugs me and smiles. "Do you want some coffee or anything?"

"Can I have a 20 oz can of redbull?" I say yawning and not moving from her arms.

"I can go see what I can find. But we are in the middle of nowhere." Mama chuckles and leaves the room.

"Can you tell me what we're doing today?"

"Can't you wait just a little longer?" She smiles and kissing me all over.

I giggle. "But Mommmmy" I push her down and sit on top of her. "There now I can sleep." I lay down and keep my limbs wrapped around her so she can't move.

"It's cute that you think that this is gonna work baby girl." She chuckles and stands up. She grabs me and picks me up out of the bed. "Come on, let's get dressed."

I sigh, giving up. "Shower first?"

"Come on baby." She smiles and we walk into the bathroom. She undresses me and then undresses herself.

We get into the shower and she begins washing body. I lean back against her and smile. "I love you."

"I love you too baby girl." She smiles and turns me around to kiss her.

I hear the room door open then Mama appeared in the bathroom. "Without me?" She half pouts before undressing and getting into the shower with us.

She stands on the other side of me and washes my hair. She kisses my neck quickly and then rinses out the shampoo from my hair.

When we get out of the shower the redbull Mama bought me was sitting on the bathroom counter and I grab it with a smile. I open it and down half of it in one sip as I walk back into the bedroom. I grab my bag of clothes and put in a pair of galaxy joggers and a T-Shirt. I start singing a song to myself:

"When I finally finished school  
It was the first thing that I did  
What every townie kid dreams of,  
I packed and started west"

It was Coffee and Cigarettes by Jimmy Eat World. Mama comes up behind me as I continue to sing.

"Coffee and Cigarettes  
As simple as it gets  
Of all the things I think I'll miss,  
There's staying up with you  
Coffee and Cigarettes  
Coffee and Cigarettes"

 

I smile and she puts her arms around me. "This song reminds me of you." I say and and hold her arms.

"Do you have a song that reminds you of Mommy?" She asks kissing my cheek.

"Of course I do." I smile and begin to sing Dream a Little Dream of Me by The Mamas and The Papas.

"Stars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you  
Birds singing in the sycamore tree  
Dream a little dream of meSay night-ie night and kiss me  
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me  
While I'm alone and blue as can be  
Dream a little dream of me"

 

"You're so cute princess." Mama chuckles and brushes through my short hair. "Do you have a song that reminds you of both of us?"

"Hmmm. I think so." I smile. I sing Happy With You by Paul McCartney.

"I sat round all day  
I used to get stoned  
I liked to get wasted  
But these days I don't  
'Cause I'm happy with you  
I got lots of good things to do, ooh yeahI walked around angry  
I used to feel bad  
But nowadays my days  
Don't have to be sad  
'Cause I'm happy, with you  
I got lots of good things to do, ooh yeah"

 

"Do you have a song for everything?"

"Probably. Give me any situation and Ill sing you a song terribly that is perfect." I chuckle.

"What song describes your depression? I'm curious." She smiles and I automatically know the answer. No Rain by Blind Melon.

"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain  
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain  
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two  
And speak my point of view but it's not sane  
It's not saneI just want someone to say to me, oh  
I'll always be there when you wake, yeah  
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today  
So stay with me and I'll have it made"

 

"Are you guys ready to go?" Mommy asks smiling at us.

I nod smiling and humming her song as I pass her to put on my jacket.

I can hear her and Mama talking. "What's she humming?"

"The song that reminds her of you." Mama smiles.

"What song is it?"

"Dream a Little Dream of Me"

"Baby girl you're so cute." She smiles and grabs me into a big hug.

I giggle. "I can play you guys a playlist in the car. I made one of songs that remind me of you guys either together or individually. "

"Where do you find all this time to make playlists?" Mama chuckles as we walk out to the car.

"When I can't sleep I make playlists." I smile and we get into the car. I plug my phone in and look at the playlist.

Peach - The Front Bottoms

Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye

Singin' In The Rain - Doris Day

Happy With You - Paul McCartney

Dream A Little Dream Of Me - The Mamas and The Papas

Coffee and Cigarettes (Acoustic) - Jimmy Eat World

Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

I hit play as Mommy heads down the long driveway of the hotel. The first song starts with the strum of a guitar.

"You are my peach  
You are my plum  
You are my earth  
You are my sun  
I love your fingers  
I love your toes  
The back of your head  
The tip of your nose, ohh  
And you are the reason I'm smiling  
When there is nothing to smile about  
Yeah, you are the reason I'm smiling  
When there is nothing to smile about"

 

I bop along to the song and smile. The song continues and I lean forward and lean my head on Mama's shoulder. I kiss her on the cheek. Here(In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye starts playing and I forgot how cringey it sounds. I slide back into the back seat and cover my face that starts turning red. I wait for the song to end and for the next one to start.

I play Singin' in the Rain, the Doris Day version. It takes a lot of self control not to dance along with it. But soon after it ends, the car stops and Mommy turns it off.

"No way!" I squeal and jump out of the car.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Scalding Hot

I stand outside the car nearly jumping up and down. "Thank you guys! I love you!"

Mommy smiles and puts her hands on my shoulders. "I just knew you'd love it baby girl."

Mama walks around from her side of the car and kisses me. "Not all surprises are bad princess. Just remember that okay?" She's smiles.

We walk into the building and we go up to the desk to rent skates. "Sizes?" The women at the counter mutters.

"9 and 10" Mama smiles and then looks at me.

"Men's hockey skates size 7." I smile.

The lady unceremoniously hands over the skates and I run over to a bench to put mine on. Within about 2 minutes I have my skates on and I get over to the ice. I start out slow holding onto the wall so I don't fall but before long I start to get the hang of it. I start to move away from the wall and go around the whole rink before circling back to Mommy and Mama. "You guys coming?" I smile. The ice rink was empty except for us which excited me even more. 

They walk carefully onto the ice and I take Mommy's hand and begin to skate next to her slowly. She does well and tells me about how she used to roller skate. "You seem exactly like who I would picture when I think of someone who would roller skate." I giggle. 

She smiles and kisses the top of my head. "God you are so cute baby." 

Mama catches up to us and grabs my other hand. "There you are." I smile up at her. 

She smiles and squeezes my hand lightly. 

I pull away from both of them and skate around a bit in front of them. I wobble and fall onto my ass. "Ouch." I mutter and it echoes out. 

They both skate over to me and help me up. "You okay princess?" Mama asks. 

I nod and skate away again. I start humming skating around the rink not really having many thoughts in my head aside from staying on my feet and thinking of songs to hum. I occasionally look up and see Mama and Mommy looking at me and smiling as they skate together and talk. I begin to sing aloud "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream". I smile and hum the music in the background. Sleeping Beauty wasn't even close to my favorite Disney movie but that song was definitely in my top five songs from princess movies. 

"But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once. The way you did once upon a dream." I hum the music and skate past the two of them with a big smile on my face. I feel myself wobble a bit but I catch myself just before I fall. "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. I know you, that gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem. But if I know you, I know what you'll do. You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream." I finish the song and keep going around the ring trying to think of more songs to sing. 

Then I remember one of my favorite Disney songs and start to sing it. "Dancing on a cloud. I'm dancing on a cloud. When I'm in your arms the world is a heavenly place. Dancing in a dream. I'm dancing in a dream. For how can I help but dream when I see your face before me."

I speed up and smile over at the two adoring women just watching me have the time of my life. "What song is this princess?" Mama asks as I pass her. 

"Its an unused song from Cinderella. It was supposed to be the song that they danced to." I smile before continuing the song. "Love is on its way. And as we gently sway. The moon and the stars appear bringing romance for two. I just can't believe that I found you. I just can't believe that it's true. Yet here am I dancing high on a cloud with you. Dancing on a cloud."

When I pass them again I have a beaming smile on my face. "So I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say you have a Disney Love Song playlist and memorized most of the songs." She chuckles. 

"How did you know?" I giggle. "But its also more than Disney, it may or may not be a playlist of my favorite love songs from musicals in general." 

"Well we should go have lunch soon. You almost ready?" Mama says skating over to me and holding my hand.

"I guess." I chuckle as we make our way back over to the exit of the rink. I untie my skates and bring them back over to the woman at the counter who gave me a dirty look. I look back at her with a smile. "I hope you have a better day." 

She looks at me. "Thank you." A hint of a smile on her face. 

Mommy and Mama both have their shoes on already as I slide mine on and throw my coat over my shoulders. We all get into the car and drive until Mommy pulls the car into a small pizza place. "Ooh pizza!" I say excitedly as we head inside. They order a plain cheese pizza. "Can we have mozzarella sticks too?" I ask pouting a little. 

"Sure thing princess." Mama smiles and orders them. We go and sit down at a table and wait for the pizza. "So are you gonna show us this playlist or are you just gonna keep alluding to it by singing songs?" She smiles and holds my hand. 

"I guess if you wanna see it that bad I can show you." I pull out my phone. 

Love Songs From Musicals and Disney:

Married Life - Michael Giacchino  
I Won't Say(I'm In Love) - Hercules  
Once Upon A Dream - Sleeping Beauty  
Love - Robin Hood  
Once Upon A Dream - Lana Del Ray (Maleficent)  
Dancing On A Cloud - Cinderella  
Falling Slowly - ONCE  
Til' There Was You - The Music Man  
Something Good - The Sound Of Music  
Singin' In The Rain - Singin' In The Rain  
Come What May - Moulin Rogue

"I'm not gonna lie, but I haven't seen many musicals. But I guess you'll have to show them to me." Mama says as she reads through the songs. 

"I think we should watch one tonight when we get back to the hotel." I think for a moment. "Maybe The Music Man because I haven't seen that one in a while." 

"What's that one about?" 

"A con man who tries to scam a whole town but ends up falling for the librarian." I smile. 

"Sounds odd but I think I may enjoy it." Mama smiles and kisses me. 

A man walks over with our pizza and mozzarella sticks. "Enjoy!"

I grab a slice and begin eating it immediately, ignoring the pain in my mouth from the scalding cheese. It was totally worth it because this pizza was absolutely amazing. I finish my first slice quickly and eat a couple of the mozzarella sticks. After a little over thirty minutes we all finish eating and take our left over pizza with us back to the hotel.


	20. Chapter Twenty: Rock Island

When we got back to the hotel we went straight up to the room. I jump onto the bed and under the covers. "Lex?" Katya says shaking the bed lightly. 

"Yeah?" I say, my head still under the blanket. 

"Do you wanna talk about yesterday?"

"If we must." She sits down on the bed. "I just felt really disappointed, I thought that it was gonna go better." A hand begins running through my hair. 

"You guys have a lot to work through, it's gonna take time." Trixie lays on the bed and holds me. 

"I just think that I am stuck in the past. I need to realize it's never going to be like it was."

Katya moves the blanket away from my face and kisses my forehead. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" 

I nod, getting up and throwing my jacket and shoes on. Trixie stays behind as we head outside. Katya pulls out her pack of cigarettes and hands me one. I put it in my mouth and she lights it for me as it sits between my lips. "Thanks." I mutter through the cigarette. 

"Of course princess." 

"I'm sorry I made this trip so stressful." I scan over the landscape as we continue walking along the grounds. "I didn't think it would blow up like that." 

"It's okay. I'm glad we were here for you and that you didn't go there by yourself. We're glad we can be there for you."

I nod and sit down on a bench that overlooks the mountains. Katya sits down next to me and I lay my head on her shoulder. "If you weren't there I would have been stuck there until one of them drove me back. I can't imagine anything worse than that."

"But you don't have to think about that now. We will always be there for you. Never again do you have to have long awkward car rides with your parents after a fight." Silence overtakes us for a while as I stare out into the mountains. She kisses the side of my head. "Can I ask you something?" I look at her, prompting her to continue. "How long have you been interested in Trixie and I, as more than a teacher and her incredibly hot girlfriend?" She chuckles. 

I laugh quietly. "Since, I think it was the second or third time you brought her to class with you while I was there. You guys were kissing a lot and had cute banter. I idolized the type of relationship you guys share with one another and really wanted something like it. I mean from the first class I had with you I had a mega crush on you, but I always thought it was one of those cliches where the student likes the teacher and they thirst after them. Trixie was just so beautiful the moment she stepped into the classroom. She was wearing a knee length pink dress and her hair was perfect that day. And the first day of class you wore this absurdly short black dress with thigh high boots and I've been enamored ever since. I never thought I would be in this position, let alone be so happy and never want it to change."

Katya kisses me. "I love you. And I don't know if I should be flattered or slightly creeped out that you remember all of those details." She smiles. 

"I love you too. I mean I am creepy, I could tell you endless facts about serial killer and could probably get away with murder." 

She rolls her eyes and smiles, standing up and pulling me with her. "We better get back to Trixie before she gets too lonely."

I smile back and happily follow her back up to the room. When we open the door Trixie is passed out on the bed and I smile, quietly crawling in next to her and covering her up with the blanket. She stirs and wakes up enough to grab me and pull me into her chest. "Can we watch a movie? Or at least start one and then you can nap?" I hug her and let the warmth of her body envelop me. 

"Only for you." She smiles and adjusts herself enough so both her and I can see the TV. 

Katya smiles and hooks up her computer to the TV. I give her the login information for my Mom's movie cloud and have her pull up the Music Man. I smile as I hear the familiar opening song play. I begin reciting it and giggling. 

Katya and Trixie both laugh. "I think you have seen this movie too many times.

The next song comes on and I sing it as well. As it ends they both look at me about to comment. "Let me have my fun!"

"No need to get so feisty baby girl." Trixie smiles.

"Sorry, I'm just very used to being told how obnoxious I am with everything." I bite my lip and look down. 

"You know we would never say that right?"

"I know I'm just so used to it." I avoid eye contact and move my attention back to the movie. 

We all fall silent as the movie continues. I stay silent until "The Sadder But Wiser Girl" then again until "Marion The Librarian". I fall completely silent for a while before crawling over Katya and going into the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and run a hand through my hair. I then rinse my face with water trying to make myself feel better. I feel anxious for no reason. A light knock presents itself at the door. 

"Yeah?" I say not opening the door. 

"Can you open the door?" 

I open the door, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. 

"Princess..." Katya starts. I throw myself into her arms. She holds me and rubs my back. "Do you wanna take your medicine?"

I nod not moving my body away from hers. Trixie walks over holding out a dose of each of my medications. I take them from her hand and choke them down without water. Trixie runs and gets me water and makes me drink it. Tears were now free flowing down my face and Katya wipes them away. 

"I love you guys." I say as I walk past them and back to the bed and laying down. 

They follow and sit down next to me. I crawl under the blankets and stay quiet. They both take the hint and lay down next to me on either side. "Is anything wrong or just feeling bad?" 

"Just feeling bad." I mumble, now laying on my stomach. "Thank you for reminding me about my medicine."

"Of course love." Trixie runs her hand through my hair and kisses my head. "Do you wanna go home tonight or wait until tomorrow?" 

"T'morrow." I mumble through the pillow I'm burying my face into. 

"Are you feeling little baby girl?" 

"Mhmm." I flip myself over and yawn. 

Mama puts her hand on my face and rubs her thumb on my cheek. I put my hand on top of hers and hold it. I slide my body closer to hers until we are touching and my body relaxes. She kisses my nose and a smile forms on my face. "There's my princess." 

"I love you Mama."

"I love you too baby."

Mommy slides closer to the two of us and wraps an arm around me. I turn my head to look at her and kiss her. She snuggles me and I giggle very quietly. We lay there for a while quietly, my eyes begin to get heavy and I slowly fall asleep.


	21. Chapter Twenty One: Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its a shorter chapter. I'm going to try and update again this weekend.

When I wake up I see Trixie and Katya sitting at the end of the bed, sitting hand in hand with Trixie's head on Katya's shoulder. I smile and watch them for a moment, glad to see them happy together and not worrying about me. Eventually I move slowly behind them and rest my head on Trixie's back. "Hello baby girl." I hug her from behind, resting my head on her shoulder. "Come around front." 

As I move off the bed and around to the front of the two women, I notice they are finishing the movie. "You didn't have to keep watching it." I say as she pulls me up into her lap.

"We wanted to, you seem as though its one of your favorite movies and we want to know more about you." Katya kisses my cheek. "Not to mention we were actually enjoying it." 

"What time is it?" I say yawning and wiping my eyes. "Also I just realized I've been with you guys for like 4 days and I forgot to wear my glasses this whole ass time. You guys didn't even remind me." I chuckle leaning back into Trixie. 

"Oh shit, yeah." Katya chuckles. "I packed them, do you want them?"

"Please, I've been getting headaches and I didn't know why until now." She goes over to our bags and grabs out my large ovular glasses, with floral print on the front rims. I put them on and my head starts to feel better. "I honestly can't believe I forgot about them for that long."

"You wear glasses?" Trixie questions with a smile. "I've never seen you wear your glasses."

"I usually take them off when I'm in class unless I have to read something." I smile. "That or I put them on my head to hold my hair back out of my face."

"You're really cute with your glasses on." I blush at the comment. I still hadn't gotten used to the constant compliments they gave me.

"Did I ever tell you why The Music Man was one of my favorite musicals?" They both shake their heads as I continue. "It is the first musical I remember my father showing me when I was a kid. He would watch it with me every time I asked, even if it was every day. He would also watch all my cartoon shows with me whenever I asked and would wake up with me in the middle of the night every night. I didn't sleep through the night until I was 10. I had a lot of nightmares, I would wake up at 3 am every night and without fail he would get up with me and we would watch shows until we both either fell asleep or we had to get up for the day. Sorry for rambling on, I just always think of him when I watch the movie."

They both smile at me. "I think its great how much you love your dad. And you never have to apologize for rambling or talking, we love hearing everything you have to say princess." 

I blush an even deeper shade of red. Katya kisses my nose and I giggle. I push my glasses back up and crinkle my nose. "It feels weird wearing them again." I say contorting my face, feeling the way the weight distributed itself. 

Trixie giggles and holds me tighter. "I love you baby girl." 

"I love you too." I smile and hug her tightly. "Do we have any Advil? My head is killing me." Katya pulls some out of her bag without even having to search. "Thank you." I take the three tablets from her. "What are we gonna do now?" 

"Did you have something in mind?" Katya smiles. 

I think for a minute before I finally think of something. "You can't make fun of me if I tell you."

"Haven't we gone over the fact that we won't ever do that?" Trixie says squeezing me slightly. 

"Well I've always wanted to walk around the hotel at night and take pictures because its supposedly really haunted. I wanna see if I can find anything. I'll go alone if you don't wanna go but..."

"That sounds fucking awesome." Katya smiles cutting me off as I begin to trail off. 

I smile and hug her. "I love you." 

"I love you too princess."


	22. Chapter Twenty Two: Star Gazer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I went on vacation and didn't have any wifi. Another chapter to come within the week.

We go to bed early because Trixie told me that was the only way she was going to get up with us at 3AM. I reluctantly agreed and now I'm laying in bed and it's 1AM, and I'm not tired at all. Katya has her arms around me and I can feel her steady breathing on the back of my head as I snuggle in closer. Trixie is a few inches away and facing me. She looks very peaceful as she sleeps, God she is one of the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. I turn my body slowly so I don't wake Katya up, then snuggle into her chest. I feel sleep slowly creep into my body.

The alarm goes off at 3AM and it sounds like bombs going off in the room. I practically jump over Katya to shut it off. Trixie groans and sits up reluctantly. Katya catches me as I almost fall off the bed in my attempt to silence the horrendous noise. "I dunno if I really wanna get out of bed now." I say wiping my eyes. "Also its only like one room and I'm sorry." Tears brim my eyes, I am definitely over tired.

Trixie wipes my tears away. "Baby its okay. I have an idea." She smiles and kisses the top of my head. She gets out of bed and puts on her jacket and grabs a couple extra blankets from the closet and Katya and I follow her and put on our jackets. She leads us outside and lays out one of the blankets on the ground. I smile and lay down on the blanket and look up at the sky. Trixie and Katya lay on either side of me and Trixie throws the other blanket over all of us.

A few tears escape my eyes and Katya pulls me in closer. "It's alright doll. "

"I just feel bad that I made you guys get up in the middle of the night for nothing. " I sniffle.

"But now we're out here and looking at the stars, I used to do this back in Wisconsin when I couldn't sleep. I'm glad I have this to share with you. No need to be upset."

"Princess, I get up in the middle of the night all the time and sometimes changing plans can lead to something even more wonderful. Plus I love you and any time with you is worth getting up in the middle of the night for." Katya smiles.

"I love you guys. You guys can wake me up in the middle of the night as revenge some time. Its only fair." I chuckle wiping my eyes.

They don't respond but Trixie puts an arm around me. I yawn and wipe my eyes while rolling closer to Trixie and snuggling in. I feel myself begin to drift off and feel someone scoop me up. I feel the warmth of the lobby hit me and I smile. In the elevator Katya plays with my hair and kisses my forehead. "Love you." I mumble and yawn.

"Shhh princess, go ahead and sleep."

When I wake up the sun is coming through the window and it feels like its blinding me. I groan quietly trying not to wake up the two sleeping bodies next to me. Unlike how it has been they were next to each other and Katya had an arm around Trixie. I smile at the sight, happy that they were still having a relationship with one another still and not just focusing on me. I slide out of the bed quietly and close the blinds. I grab one of the room keys and a pack of cigarettes and head outside. I find a bench and sit down while lighting up a cig.

After about 20 minutes I feel my phone go off. "Where did you go baby girl?" A text reads from Trixie. I quickly get to typing a reply. "I went for a walk, I'll be back up in a few minutes."

I start slowly making my way back up to the room. I unlock the door and open it quietly. Trixie is sitting up in bed and scrolling through something on her phone and Katya is still sleeping. I walk in and sit on the end of the bed. "How come you didn't wake us up?" She looks up from her phone.

"I woke you guys up at 3AM it wouldn't be fair to wake you guys up again." I say looking away from her, avoiding eye contact.

She moves from her place on the bed and puts her hand on my chin lightly and moves it to look at her. "Baby girl, listen to me, you did nothing wrong. We talked about this before." She kisses my forehead and pulls me into her lap.

I kiss her lips. "Okay." I shrug a bit and lean against her. "I love you."

"I love you too baby."

I roll out of her lap and lay down next to Katya. I kiss her as she sleeps. She stirs and smiles sleepily. "Morning princess."

"Morning Mama." I smile.

"Feeling little this morning?" Mama asks sitting up on her elbow.

I nod giddily and move to lay my head on her hips. "Go home?" I asks looking between her and Mommy.

"Soon baby girl, we have to pack everything up and then we can go home." Mommy smiles and rubs my leg gently.

I smile wide and cuddle into Mama. I can't wait to be home again and away from the memories that this state has for just a little bit longer.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three: Home Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has been busy as hell so I apologize for taking so damn long

With everything packed and ready to go, we start the drive back to Boston. As always they let me have control over the radio. I smile and put on a playlist I know Mommy will love. It's all my favorite Dolly Parton songs. I hit play and the always iconic Jolene plays. Mommy glances back at me with a smile as I put my phone down on the seat next to me. I nod my head along to the song and look out the window. As the playlist continues I continue to stare out the window turning my brain off.

It wasn't until Mama tried to get my attention that I snapped out of it. "Princess" She says softly looking at me through the mirror as she drives.

"Hmm?" I hum looking at her through the mirror.

"Do you want anything from Dunkin'?"

"Ice Coffee please?" I smile and yawn.

She pulls up to the drive thru and orders all of our drinks as well as half a dozen donuts. "Here princess." She hands me a mocha ice coffee and two Boston Creme donuts.

"Thanks Mama." I smile widely.

We get back home a couple hours later and I can barely contain my excitement for being back. That trip was emotionally exhausting and I just wanna be back in our little world again. We all carry everything into the apartment then I plop down onto the couch. "I could lay here forever. I'm so tired."

"I know that trip was pretty hard baby girl but we had fun otherwise. Plus you don't have to go back to classes for a while. Also you get to choose our Christmas vacation." Mommy smiles and sits down next to me before scooping me up onto her lap.

"Really?!" I say perking up and getting excited.

She nods. "Anything at all."

"Can we go on a cruise? I've always wanted to but never had the money." I lean back and yawn.

"Sure baby girl, I'll set it all up for us later. You need a nap now though."

"Okay." I yawn again and curl into her.

She lays us down and covers us with a blanket. "Sleep well princess."

I wake up about an hour later and look at my phone. There is a text from my Mom but I swipe it away without reading it. The last thing I want is her bullshit in my sanctuary. I look up at Trixie who is still sleeping with one of her arms lazily hanging over me. I smile blissfully, moving her arm gently and slipping out of her grasp. I walk quietly towards the balcony and grab a pack of smokes on my way. I light one as I close the door behind me and sit down on one of the chairs. Wiping my still waking eyes I take out my phone and numbly scroll through Instagram. Liking the occasional post from someone in high school who I haven't talked to in years. I lock my phone and put it down on the chair beside me. 

"Lex?" A voice says from behind me. 

I turn my head and smile at Katya. "Hey, need something?"

"Just wanted to make sure you're okay." She smiles back and kisses the top of my head before retreating back inside. 

"Fuck" My phone buzzes and I look at it unimpressed by the message. A follow up to mother's previous message. 

"Can you please come home for Christmas? It would mean a lot to us." 

I ignore the message and roll my eyes. I want to spend Christmas with people who always care about me, not only when its good for them. I head inside and throw my phone across the bedroom. Katya and Trixie run into the room hearing the thud it made against the wall. 

"What's going on?" Trixie says picking up my phone and trying to figure out what emotion is on my face. 

"It's my fucking mom. She wants me to come home for Christmas and that's the last thing I wanna do. I hate her. I just wish she would think about how I feel once in a while." I begin yelling and throw myself up onto the bed. 

"It'll get better baby. You guys really just need to give it time and you can't hold a grudge if you ever want it to get better. And you don't hate her, you're just angry and that is completely normal and justified." Trixie sits next to me and outs her hand under my chin and lifts it up to look at her. 

I sigh. "I know you're right but I'm just so pissed at her. I just wish she just wasn't so bitchy." I grumble and fling myself backwards into the mattress in frustration. 

Trixie drags me over to her. "Arrrgh." She pulls me into her lap and I reluctantly accept her attempt at calming me down. 

"Shhh baby." She whispers and kisses the top of my head. 

I begin to calm down and breathe deeply. Ignoring the thoughts in my head as much as possible.I hate that she can calm me down. No one else used to be able to before I met them. Katya walks up to us and hands me my phone. "You're lucky this didn't shatter princess." She says putting a hand on my thigh.

"At least I invested in a good case. I drop and throw my phone a lot, and before you say anything, I know I shouldn't but when I get pissed it's just my first reaction to throw whatever is in my hand at the time."

"We have to work on that because that is just not a great way to cope with situations."

I groan. "I knowwwwww." resisting the urge to chuck my phone again and set it down on the bed next to me. "It just happens.

They stop chastising me and we just sit there for a moment. "Have you thought about where you wanna go on this cruise you keep suggesting?" Trixie asks with a warm smile on her face.

"The Caribbean would be really cool I think." I've always heard about people going to these tropical places and all the cool stuff they do like snorkeling and just being somewhere other than New England for a little while.

"Sounds good to me, I can go book it now if you want." I nod and crawl off of her. "Do you want me to surprise you with what we do or do you have anything in mind?"

"I just wanna go snorkeling at least. Other than that you can surprise me." I say rolling over on the bed and sliding back down to the floor.

She doesn't say anything and walks out to her office. Katya smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder. "I have an idea." I say nearly jumping. My eyes go to her face which is beaming with a big smile. I bite my lip and giggle. "What are you laughing at princess?"

"The look you get on your face when I get ideas is really cute."

She kisses me. "You're so cute when you get ideas." I crinkle my nose in response and hug her.

"Can I show you one of my favorite music artists?" I ask suddenly getting an idea.

"Of course princess." She says as I take my phone from the bed and pull up a playlist on my phone.

"His name is Hobo Johnson. He is a poet who puts them to music and makes his poetry into songs. One of my favorites is called Jesus Christ. He talks a lot about his Mom who abandoned him. Of course that's not what happened to me but some of the lines really hit home for me." I say my face kinda dropping.

I hit play and the song begins to play. "Jesus Christ seems super nice, I wonder if he'd save me, I've been on the wrong side of a bunch of arguments lately. Momma, I may never come home again. Momma said, "There's nothing wrong with being happy" Happy trails, but momma, I've been feeling so alone." I fidget with the hem on my shirt as the song continues. "Mommy said she's busy working, spending time with that other guy. But momma, I just wanna come home. "But home is where your heart is, boy, at least you've got a phone'"

I break down and begin to cry. "I miss her Katya."


	24. Chapter Twenty Four: I'm Sorry

"Shh Princess it's okay." She coos and pulls me into a hug.

"I just miss when we were close. It's almost like we don't know each other." I say sniffling and wiping away the tears that had escaped. I pull myself together and act like nothing happened. "Anyways, that's Hobo Johnson and his wonderful poetic rapping." Chuckling I walk away and into the living room. Katya follows close behind, concerned about my sudden mood swings. "There is something I should have told you before but I was scared." Wringing my hands I flop onto the couch and feel all of the energy instantly leave my body.

"What is it?" She asks sitting down next to me and running a hand up and down my thigh. "You can tell me anything hun."

"I have bipolar." I stutter slightly on the word and bite my lip. "It's why taking my meds is so important even though I forget a lot. And generally my mood doesn't shift this quickly I'm just in a very weird place in my head right now."

"How about I set an alarm everyday for you and I will give you your medicine then?"

"Yes please. I'm so tired of always feeling sad or feeling like I could do things I don't really wanna." I breathe out a sigh of relief and Trixie walks up behind the couch and kisses the top of my head and Katya's cheek.

I get up to give her my spot and then sit on her lap. I can feel the beginning of a depressive episode forming inside and there isn't anything I can do about it. I lean back against Trixie and sigh. "I think I'm beginning a manic episode. I kinda feel one coming on." I don't always feel when mood episodes are coming but when I know I've had a trigger I can generally gauge how my mood will shift.

"What generally happens during a manic episode?" Trixie asks looking at me a little concerned.

"Well I don't sleep much. I don't feel tired unless I've been up for days. I make really impulsive decisions and my emotions don't always make a lot of sense. I can't always control my emotions. I have a lot of energy and generally make a whole lot of art. I also smoke a lot more cigarettes and drink a lot. And sometimes smoke weed a couple times per day." Sighing I lay down over the both of them. "And I don't always know when these mood shifts will happen I just feel it starting and I know that my mom and I fighting is one of my triggers."

"Will taking your medication help?"

"It will lessen the intensity. But I don't ever really know how bad its gonna be." I bite my nails and avoid eye contact.

A hand pulls mine hand away from my mouth. "None of that now." Katya says and kisses my hand. "We are here for you no matter what."

"I love you guys." A smile creeps onto my face.

"We love you too." Trixie smiles back. "Also I booked the cruise. We will be going to the Carribean for Christmas."

"Thank you so much. I honestly don't know how to show you my appreciation." I hug her and cling to her.

"Just seeing you happy is enough for me baby girl."

"I just got a really good idea." I spring up from the couch and grab my backpack with art supplies in it. I pull out an empty sketchbook and a full one and begin ripping pages from the full one. I go into a frenzy of cutting out sketches I really like from the full one and pasting them into the empty one.

Trixie and Katya watch me quietly as I work endlessly for twenty minutes, "You okay princess?"

"Yeah I'm fine." I nod continuing to cut and paste. After another ten minutes I get up after throwing it all back into my backpack and head to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. Which turned into two, then three. I would have kept going but as I went to light the fourth one Katya took my pack away. "But I want themmmmm." I whine and try to take them back,

"You just had three. You don't need anymore." Katya says sternly.

"BUT THEY ARE MINE!" I scream at her.

She looks at me surprised by my sudden outburst. My usually quiet demeanor gone. I feel tears in my eyes and guilt in my chest but I try to hold myself together. "What the hell?" She mutters as she studies my face.

I burst into tears. "I'm sorry." She wipes my tears as Trixie comes to the doorway and watches the exchange.

"Is this what you meant by you can't control yourself and being compulsive?"

I nod and wipe my still flowing tears away. "I didn't mean to yell at you like that. I just got really overwhelmed."

"Shh I understand. I know you didn't mean anything by it." She kisses me lightly. "It's okay."

Trixie comes out and kisses the top of my head. "How about we go back inside and watch some Netflix."

I nod breathing deeply trying to calm myself down. Back inside I sit on the floor in front of the couch and wait for Katya and Trixie. I end up laying down and wrapping a blanket around myself. There is a deep guilt building in my gut and I can't believe that I snapped at her like that. What if she doesn't want anything to do with anymore? What if the reason they aren't out here yet is because they don't want me here anymore. Oh god I should go.

I get up and quietly go to the closet and grab my backpack and essentials before sneaking out the front door and walking out into the approaching night. When I get about a mile away I pull out my phone and call an Uber to bring me back to my dorm.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five: All Apologies

Katya's POV

 

I walk out into the living room from the bedroom after talking to Trixie about how we should approach Lex next time she has an outburst. When I see that the younger woman is absent I begin to grow concerned. "Trixie?" I yell into the bedroom. 

Trixie comes out of the bedroom wearing her pajamas. "What love?" 

"I can't find Lex. She isn't in the living room and we would have seen her anywhere else. I think... I think she may have run." I say my breathing hitching for a moment. 

"Shit. It's okay Kat. We will find her." Trixie's voice sounds distant and I lean against the wall as I try to calm myself down. I can't believe we let her think that she wasn't welcome here. 

Lex's POV

 

I hear my phone buzz as I exit the Uber and head back up to my room. I see a missed call from Trixie. I continue up to my room and lay down on my uncomfortable bed and cry. My phone buzzes again and its Trixie again. This time she leaves a message. I listen to it. "Baby, please come home. I don't know what happened but please. Katya is panicking. What happened? Please, Lex, we love you." I lock my phone and put it back down. I turn towards the wall and continue to cry. Thankfully my roommate already left for winter break and I had the room alone to cry in. 

My phone buzzes again and I look at it. An incoming call from Katya. I hit the green button to answer but stay silent only my crying audible. "Lex, princess, please come back. Where are you? Are you safe? Please say something. Please."

"I can't. I fucked it all up, Katya. I'm not safe to be around. You guys deserve better than to have to worry if I'm gonna snap and do something that I shouldn't."

"Lex, there is nothing you could ever do that would ever make us want you to leave. We love you so much. Please come home." 

"I don't wanna yell at you again or do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry Mama." I whimper out and hang up the phone. 

Katya's POV

 

"Fuck," I say throwing my phone across the bed. 

"Katya, there is only one place she will reasonably be and maybe we should give her some time to calm down."

"Trixie, she is a complete danger to herself right now. I'm afraid she's gonna do something to herself and I can't let that happen. Bipolar disorder can make a person do a lot of things that they cannot always control." I stand up and grab the keys to the car. "We have to get her." 

Lex's POV

 

I climb out of my bed and begin to collect my things together and then pull out my laptop. There has to be a place for me to go away from this school. A homeless shelter maybe, then I can get a job so I can get a cheap apartment. I just really can't be with anyone romantically. I'll hurt them and I know to hurt anyone else will force me to isolate myself further. I begin to search and then check my bank account for what of my savings is left. 

$256.43. That is going to get me virtually nowhere and I have nothing left to do other than sell myself and I don't wanna do that. But I could. I could make a lot of money that could get me out of Boston and away from everyone. I could go to Florida or California and start over. Anywhere would be better than here. 

My phone buzzes and pulls me from my thoughts. A text from Katya. "Please, can we talk. Please."

I ignore the text and pull out my pack of cigarettes and open up my window, lighting one and blowing the smoke out the window. I search through my closet and pull out my stashed bottle of vodka. I open the half-empty bottle and pour some into a shot glass. I begin with one but it leads into about 7 shots and my vision getting fuzzy and me stumbling around the room drunk. I pull out my poetry book and begin writing. 

"Please, 

Remember me past

the pain"

The next poem going more along the lines of:

"I wanna be comfortably numb. I wanna drink all the time."

Each sentence is written on top of one another in two different colors. 

After a few minutes, I pull out my jar of weed and pack a bowl. I go back to the same window as earlier and begin smoking it. As soon as the high from the weed kicked in along with the alcohol I felt on top of the world. 

I feel like no one can do anything to knock me down. My sadness seems so far away when I'm this far gone. 

A knock on my door makes me hide the bottle of vodka under my bed and spray down my room so the smell of weed was less apparent. I walk over and see Trixie and Katya standing at my door. 

"Someone's gonna see you," I say slurring my words but letting them in. I stumble back over towards my bed and sit down. "I said I can't be around anymore, why are you here?" Still slurring and leaning back against the wall. 

"Come on, please come home," Katya says attempting to pull me from the bed. 

"I am home now." I slur my eyes feeling heavy. 

Trixie picks me up throws me over her shoulder fireman's carry style but I'm too out of it to fight it. "I can't be around you anymore." I slur as they carry me down to the car. They lay me down in the back of the car. "I don't wanna hurt you guys." 

Tears well at the corners of my eyes as the car stops in front of their building. "I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt you guys. I'm sorry." There is a burning in my chest from the vodka I drank and the guilt that has built up. 

Trixie carries me upstairs in a fireman's carry again and puts me on the couch with a blanket. "How many shots did you have?" I hold up 7 fingers and lean back on the couch. 

Katya goes to the kitchen and grabs water and a bottle of ibuprofen. "Drink this water so your hangover won't be so bad in the morning. We will talk then. But I will be staying out here with you while you ride this out."

Trixie pulls up a chair next to the couch with a bucket. She puts the bucket next to the couch. "Just in case." 

"I'm sorry." I slur and grab the bucket just in time. "I just panicked."

"Did you do anything other than drink tonight?" Katya asks putting a hand on my back. 

"I smoked a bowl and a bunch of cigarettes," I say vomiting again. 

She sighs and puts the blanket around my shoulders and I lay down, setting the bucket on the ground. 

"We can talk in the morning. Just lay down."


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six: Pancakes

I don't sleep at all that night. Eventually, I began to sober up and took a couple of ibuprofen to prevent a headache. Katya fell asleep on the couch and I lay the blanket over her. She doesn't stir but I stand up and head into the bedroom quietly and slide out the door silently to the balcony. I light up a cigarette and sit in one of the chairs. It's early morning now, probably about 3 or 4 AM. I only smoke one cigarette and then just watch the city as it begins to awaken. It's December 13th, only a couple weeks until Christmas which means I should probably break it to my parents that I'm not coming home. I pick up my phone to call before remembering that it was still too early. I sigh and slide back into the apartment and into the kitchen. I begin to brew a pot of coffee and sit on the counter. 

I hear Trixie's work alarm go off and I sit awkwardly on the counter hoping not to get reprimanded so early in the morning. Footsteps make their way to the closet and then to the kitchen. "Morning," I mumble and grab a mug down for Trixie. 

She takes it from my hand. "Good morning." She half-heartedly smiles. 

My face drops and I look to the ground. I really had upset them and I don't know what I'm gonna do. "Do you need help with anything?" I ask hopefully, trying to make up for what I've done with anything I can.

"No, I think I'm all set. Thank you though." She says and begins to walk towards her office. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. She must have heard me sniffle because she whips around and comes running. "Baby, it's okay. We know you can't control it, we just weren't totally prepared. It's okay. We're not mad." She pulls me into a tight hug. 

I cling to her, completely sobbing at this point. "I'm so sorry I did that yesterday." 

"Shh baby, I know." She says now lifting me from the counter and holding me. "We just have to get you on a schedule so you always take your medicine. Then it won't be so bad right?"

"Yeah," I say and wipe away some of my tears.

"Come on, you can sit in my office with me while I do some work." She brings me into her office and sits down in her chair still holding me. 

"How are you gonna work if I'm on your lap?" I chuckle a bit and look up at her. 

"I'll figure it out, love." She wipes the tears from my face and smiles. 

We sit in silence until I ask her a question. "So what is it that you do for work?" 

"Well, when I was 22 I started a small makeup company. It ended up blowing up to the point where I just sign off on big decisions and go over some paperwork once in a while, other than that I don't have to do much." 

"That's really cool." I smile up at her. 

After about an hour she finishes up the work she had to do and we walk back into the kitchen and I grab out stuff to make pancakes. Trixie looks at me skeptically "Are you sure that's a good idea baby?" She chuckles. 

"I got it, Mommy." I smile widely and begin mixing all the ingredients together. "See I got it."

"Okay love I believe you." She comes up behind me and kisses the side of my head. 

I turn on the stove and begin to make pancakes. I end up with upwards of twenty pancakes by the time I start to run out of batter. "Mommy?" I say biting my lip and looking at the plate stacked really high. "I think I might have messed up a little."

Trixie walks back into the kitchen and sees the plate. "What recipe did you use?" 

"This one." I show her my phone. 

"Baby, this recipe is for 8 people." She laughs and shakes her head. 

"Oops," I say turning off the stove and splitting up the pancakes between three plates. "Can you wake up M- Katya?" I say hesitant to call her by the name I have become so fond of calling her.

"Sure baby. You can still call her Mama. We still love you the same, we were just surprised. I promise it's okay." 

I nod as she heads into the living room to wake her up. I put the plates on the table with forks and knives and butter in the middle of them. 

"Princess this was so sweet," Katya says walking into the kitchen. "You didn't have to do this."

"Yes, I did. I feel so guilty for yesterday, I wish I had better control over it." I wring my hands and look down to the floor. 

Katya walks over to me and sits down on a chair and urges me to sit in front of her. "Listen, love, I know that yesterday was really bad. I know you feel guilty and you're afraid of something happening but we know that this is part of you and we love you no matter what. "

"Okay, mama," I whisper and keep looking to the floor. 

"We will get passed this and everything will be okay again. But how about you take your medicine now so we don't forget." She says and has Trixie hand her the bottles. 

She takes out the proper amounts and hands them to me. I take them and then sit with my knees to my chest on the chair. Katya puts her hand on my knee and squeezes reassuringly. 

We all sit down to breakfast and we are mostly quiet. Then I remember that I have to call my parents and tell them I won't be home Christmas. I stand from the table and go out on the balcony. I dial my dad's number. 

"What can I do for you?" He chuckles through the phone. 

"So I don't think I am ready to go home for Christmas. I think I'm gonna stay with my friends and I'll come home soon. Maybe for New Years." 

"It's okay Lex. Your mother has been crazy these last few months and I understand that you need a break from her."

"Thank you, Dad. I'll talk to you soon." I hang up the phone, feeling surprisingly refreshed from the conversation.


End file.
